


One Love...One Life Time

by LillianPeace



Category: The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Love, M/M, Pre-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:48:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14637339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillianPeace/pseuds/LillianPeace
Summary: Pre-Outbreak...A past that will affect his future. This story will take place years before, during, and three years after. The story is much better than this summery, Main character is OC, second main is Daryl Dixon everyone else is minor ones. Tv/comic/own ideas





	1. fireflies

I hate when plot bunnies get ya, but here is a new story. It is Pre-Walking dead (before outbreak) it will end three years after the outbreak. So, it might be a longer story. It will not be everyone's cup of tea but polite criticism is always welcome. Thank you and please review.

Why?

Why when you're seventeen, do parents and everyone else walking think you can't use your brain enough to make a logical decision. I was nearly out of school with high honors, I have had all Advanced classes and straight A's since birth. But mom and her partner Karen now think I have finally jumped off the deep end after years of trying to maintain such perfection.

But why did I do it? For them to show people, two women can raise a child and do just as good or better than a man and woman.

But then things changed it started to happen about two months ago.

*Flashback*

I stood with Mabel and Addy while we waited for the gym teacher to unlock the doors, "here comes white trash," was whispered since neither had the gull or nerve to say such a thing to the group of boys.

I remark, "This again, Mabel, we asked you as friends to stop this while we're around. Not all of us have the riches your daddy does,"

But Mabel brushed it off, "You both are well off though, then they're trash. Smoking, drinking, and all sorts of bad things," she had a point they do smoke, and yes they do get in trouble more than average in town or school. The leader was Merle Dixon he was an ass no matter the occasion, he was dumber than a box of rocks as to why he was held back and in the same grade as his younger brother Daryl was in my grade even though we had zero classes together. We stand close to the doors gossiping about them, it wasn't right in the least, but their pa was known to be a drunk, and their maw ran off long ago.

Merle chuckled, "Hey girlies," we aren't his type, but he likes to mess with anything that is female and has a pulse. His voice was rasping, like an old man, even though his face was young.

I snapped, "Move along Dixon no one here to take advantage of," my tone more fruity and pleasant.

His eyes are narrow and dangerous, "oh, you two to good to slum it," it wasn't an actual question, he messed with Addy, so that made us enemies.

Mabel took her chance, "Yes," while I stated in truth. "No,"

I sighed as Mabel paled she done pissed them off, "She might think that, and she was raised to, but myself no. I think you're a pig you treat girls like points, you drink, you smoke and act like a jackass," honesty was always best but sometimes keeping a calm demeanor was best because he looked teed off.

"Aint gonna take no lip from you, with your dike maws," he did not just bring my mothers into this.

I was seldom irate, but he crossed the line, "At least I have a mother you bastard,"

The halls are silent now with students stopping to look at the fight happening, but everything was cut off as Coach Smith walked out looking even more ill-mannered than before.

His eyes traveled to Merle," You causin problems, Dixon?"

"No, sir,"

Coach raised his brow, "Girls, go right on in and get dressed,"

Like that we can escape from the rejects, several ropes hang from circular disks that have been anchored to the ceiling. I looked up I hated heights, I look at Addy who was scuffing the gym floor with her black keds, "Rope climbing," her face was mine, utter disbelief.

"Now class, I am gonna pair ya'll up for the next three days your partner will either be the reason you fail or succeed. Now girls on one side and boys on the other," his voice ended on a high note as he grabbed Merle placing him with Jackie who didn't look very fazed at this revelation.

Coach's voice broke my internal debate, "Dixon you will pair with, Sawyer," when his last name and my first name was mentioned it was like the air tensed up, but Daryl Dixon just stood next to me not saying a word as the rest got paired.

"Get to it; you have three days to hit the bell with a low time,"

I let out a frustrated groan, "Hey, you will get it," I have never really heard him talk...his voice is coarse like a fragmented rock in a hessian sack, moving and grinding against each other, somehow it compliments his ruddy complexion and raised veins. He wipes brown hair from his head while he fixes us in a stern gaze. His eyes were like a bright lake reflecting the lush green trees and bright blue sky if you looked closer at that lake you could see around shallow crevice filled with entirely transparent water.

I was shocked he was very good looking, his face was thin, but his features fit so perfectly. He seemed to have had a bad night's sleep, but his lips turned into a hard line. "We live in the Blue Ridge mountains of Georgia; I know how to climb a rope. I hate heights; I don't think I would make it to the roof," once again my voice was high pitched in fear.

"Oh,"

I just pinched the rope between my feet reaching up with my hands to pull up on the rope, and then repeat over and over showing them I was not a debutante. The sweat beaded my forehead as I moved up the rope. Then it went downhill fast when I glanced down into his grave eyes seeing how far I had indeed reached, he saw the panic rising. He shouted up, "DON'T LOOK DOWN, SWEET PEA," but it was done even as his words hit me, the genuine concern he was showing knowing his brother would bully him to all tarnation.

My hands slipped with that my body went right after, fear gripped me the fall was short, it was a jumbled fall. Warm, tense arms half caught me, then we rolled on the gym floor, but I never felt pain or the cold floor. But my small, loud cries of shock must have filled the gym than it was over, no pain. My green eyes are opening slowly as if I could avoid the looks and laughing, but with one swift yank Coach helped me from the floor.

"Nice Dixon, you at least aren't a waste like your brother. Now why did you slip you looked to be doing the best out of the girls?" his voice was switched to more sympathetic when he spoke to us girls.

I retorted, "Scared of heights," the garbled words nearly whispered in the smelly gym. It was always odd a mix of males stank and floral or vanilla perfume.

He grumbled, "Well sure Dixon here will be able to help you out,"

Daryl just stared, his lip had a small cut that a small line of blood oozed from but it was nothing worth cryin over. I sighed, "Thank you, for not letting me tumble to the floor. I would have been hurt something awful," he just shrugged.

He was silent more often than not, so I tried again as he dropped back down to the floor in record time. "Sorry, we have not been introduced. I am Sawyer Hawthorne," my biggest smile was in place as I held my small hand out which he just looked at like I had some catchable disease. So, with my hand slowly retracting he took it firmly, not shaking it as most folks do. I looked sharply up as he took my hand in his. They felt like sandpaper or perhaps stone, rough and unfinished. It suited him, I thought, looking into his deep eyes, cheeks reddening. His hands were warm in my own as he brought them up to his lips, my nerves tingling at the harsh comfort of contact.

He kissed the back of my hand, a thing my Grandpaw did to Meemaw, a thing gentlemen did in the cinema. "Each of us must confront our fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it," He saw the shock register on my face before I could hide it. A small smile played on his lips; I guess he gets that a lot. It wasn't what he said though; his words were like vanilla pudding, sweet in their ordinary sort of way, it was the richness of his tones – luxurious and warm.

I smiled, "There is more to you, Daryl Dixon,"

"Meet me at the old Miller place at nine tonight," then he walked away due to the end of the class whistle from Coach.

It was dark as my mothers finally stopped jabbering on the front porch, two mint juleps later they are watching something on the television. "Mama, I am going for a walk. That peach cobbler is going to go to my thighs," I joked, but her face turned serious.

She stood, "You havin troubles at school?" her question was said in a soft tone. Mama may leave us in this world, but her voice never does. Sometimes her voice is soft as a kitten and as radiant as a sunset. She can speak with kindness, but never hesitates to say, "Do the right thing!" Her every inflection, and every atonement is still audible. She still commands, corrects, and commends.

I gasped, "No mama,"

And she left it at that, saying nothing more as I pulled the light gray chunky sweater over the tank top, the heat made everything sticky. The fireflies danced around lighting a path as I walked through the dense forest towards the Miller ruins. I never knew what happened but the house was in such a burned state, the land was going to be sold since it was good farmin land. John Keegan owns most land around the Miller place, and if I was correct, Will Dixon was his top farm hand and hired gun.

I shouldn't be lost in thoughts since it was dark but here I was lost in the dark until a deep raspy voice brought me right out of it. "Sawyer,"

I could only see his outline, but I knew his voice. "Daryl?" now to find out why he asked me here.

"You came,"

"Yeah, ya asked. But why?"

He just moved closer taking my hand "Wantta show ya somethin,"


	2. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Trouble," Addy smiled, but her touch on my shoulder was one of comfort not dislike or intrusion.

Here is the 2cd chapter for One love…One lifetime. Please review. Again this is my take on what early life could have been, review!

The sight in front of me was stunning, even in the dark the small town below was settling in for the night, but their homes are lit up making the scene below us something more. The Blue Ridge river to our right made it more tranquil all the stress leaving even sitting here with Dixon; I knew my mother's would be sleeping when I returned since they had no worries that I was hanging with a kid they said was one of them kinda boys.

"it is stunning," I sighed keeping my voice pretty low and level.

He retorted, tossing a small pebble down onto the town. "It is." He just gave me a side glance "Look how high we're and not once have you said a word about it," well he wasn't wrong by any means, but I had no answer to give. I never thought of that when we hiked here, that we would be so high and then the sight amazed me, so again my mind didn't register the fact I was very high up.

"Point taken, but in the gym, it is very different. But I will try," and I would too, I tried to convey it with my tone letting all my conviction linger in it.

Silence once again as we just looked into the starry night above it was better than any software imitation. There were lighter patches, clusters of faint and bold light, the constellations altered according to the time of year. These were the same stars that greeted the ancients, the same ones that would be there in millions of years. What were a few minutes in untold reams of time?

He spoke, "Tell me something about you," he was blunt his voice more forceful and dominate.

I shrugged, "No much to know, names Sawyer after Tom Sawyer. I live on Monroe lane, well hell we grew up in the same town. I have two mothers, Julie and Karen, who love me more than anything. Not going to lie it at times is harder having two mothers only because people can be so uppity about it. Shouldn't the fact they love me be all that matters?" he was still staring up at the sky.

"Yup,"

"I like to read and what about you, it's your turn,"

Now he hesitated, "My mother is dead, she died in a fire. My father is a fuckin asshole, and one of the only people I care about is my brother and Uncle Jess. I like to hunt and live off the land that it is how it should be, I read some, my favorite book is Tuck everlasting," I could see that about him since the Tucks lived off the land away from society.

I smiled, "I love that book, ill-fated love, two worlds crashing together. Winnie letting go and being free for even a little amount of time," my tone wishful. We lay there talking for what seemed like minutes, but we both jumped up, eyes wide and hearts racing. The first orange hued rays of sunrise kissed the still dust laden rubble with the same loving care as the undertaker with the recently departed. These soft rays that should have brought warmth to a new day only acted to solidify the reality of our time was over. In the dark, we just had our hushed voices, nature, animals around us and no adults belittling to contend with, but under the radiating glow of the clouded sky, there was no hiding. I wished with all my might that it would sink back down below the horizon so we could have more time to talk but the abrupt change in fortune, but you can't argue with the sun.

I gasped, "My mothers will be fit to be tied if they find me out all night, and we have school,"

He just gave me a look, "Best get you home," like he had nothing to worry about after his words about his pa, I am scared for him even to go home. But like that we were heading back down the hillside as the sun was racing against us, it was still early, so my chances of sneaking in are higher since they went to bed late. Miller farm was behind us now; we could see the farmhouse my mother's own, it had once been the residence of a Lord and sat proudly on the crown of the hill. It was an enormous block of a building in every shade of grey. The facades had carvings and a prettiness no other abode had other than the mansions that were walled off a couple of miles away or so. The doorway, double wide and over tall. It the house had been built to impress then it was mission achieved.

I turned seeing that he had stopped, "Best get in," then he turned leaving me staring as he vanished into the forest once again. I walked in hearing nothing as I took the stairs two at a time trying in vain to reach my bedroom only a single noise from the master room alerted me they are awake. I had no time to waste so leaving the stained grass jeans on; I put on a blouse in a shade of white it was vintage style. I sit brushing my teeth after applying deodorant and my vanilla perfume only a single knock gave me warning as the door opened.

Karen stood smiling, "I love the top, suga. You ready for school?" as ready as I could be, I was so tired, but with a gulp of water, we head from my room only I take my copy of Tuck everlasting since Daryl lost his. My bookbag inside the car when I got in, ma just winked handing me a pop-tart "You got a late start," she was wrong I haven't stopped since yesterday, thankfully it was Friday, and that meant a sweet sleep in Saturday. Georgia was so beautiful the landscape was every vivid color, every one of them as fresh as a new painting straight from Rome. The brilliant greens banished every dark thought, and the sky lifted the eye in a way that brought the villagers to admire the strands of drifting white cloud. The trees were thick with late spring foliage, and the flowers rioted in the happy way that only the most divine of blooms can.

The school building is old, and at times the air goes out making learning impossible. But I leave my mothers car heading for Addy who waves them off. "Morning, Sawyer. You look tired, I reckon," she was shy but sweet as honey.

"Worn slap out," I answered her as we walked together into the school hallway which is broad and straight like the old canal that cuts through the town, only instead of watery greens overhung by new foliage it is all covered in posters and old paint that was tainted with lead. The floor is shiny though, just like the water in the mornings, brought to a high polish by the caretaker.

I stand next to Addy as my fingers drift over the lock on my old locker, she is talking about the school winter dance and how we are expected to go. The slight click of the lock releasing accompanied the groan of the worn metal door, I say. "You think one day these will be replaced," touching the cold steel door as she looked more thoughtful.

"I would reckon, they're as old as time itself," she smiled we get along real good more so when Mabel was not around.

Voices echo as we make our way to U.S History, we have to pass Merle, and his social reject group of redneck bullies. But then I see Daryl who makes no move to talk to me but before we passed by him he gave a wink, and that was it, we are two different people but had a lot in common. I noticed his lip reopened with more bruising everything in me wanted to say something, but in a state of talking he shared something with the confidence that I keep it hushed.

"Now who can tell me a fact about World war two?" Mr. Dollinger asked us all, with grace I raised my hand in the air. "Sawyer,"

I spoke, "Dr. Josef Mengele also known as the "Angel of Death" used about 3,000 twins, mostly Romany and Jewish children, for his painful genetic experiments. Only about 200 survived. His experiments included taking one twin's eyeball and attaching it to the back of the other twin's head or changing the eye color of children by injecting the dye. In one instance, two Romany twins were sewn together in an attempt to create conjoined twins,"

The class looked to be writing it down, "Very well, I see someone is doing their work,"

He never took into account my mother was a History Professor, Addy just giggles until he glared at her she puts her head down into her thick book avoiding his stare. Time flowed like cement. I checked the room for the tenth time. A minute had passed since I last checked twenty minutes ago, or so it seemed. Sitting there with nothing to stare at but a wall with chipped cream paint was excruciatingly dull, and there was no telling when it is too much, but then the lunch bell rings loud with a crackling. The cafeteria was the school gym. A hatch connecting it to the kitchen was opened, and the smell of fried food came wafting in. We lined up across the back-wall with brown Formica trays in our hands, kicking the wall with our toes, or leaning on it as we shuffled along.

Mabel was twirling her light brown hair her blue eyes scanning the room until she spotted Addy and me already in line, she carried herself with such grace and poise. You would never see her in a tree or waste time late at night. Her first words are cutting, "Bless your heart you look tired," we in the South knew bless your heart has a cutting edge to it.

"Oh shut it, Mabel. Not all of us sleep for twelve hours a night. I slept like hell, and if you don't stop with these comments you can go sit by Fiona," my tone low and hostile as Addy agreed with me, but my mood was crabby.

"You woke you up wrong?"

But we just took our food before dessert, last was a drink mine was apple juice a wise choice over the pop. We sit with Mary Lou and Sue Anne who are like Mabel; they gossip while I nibble on chicken talking to Addy. She slipped me a folded note, "Can we talk after school either at your place or mine?"

I scribbled back, "Of course, my place," she looked at me and smiled seeing the book in my hands as I read but the loud chatter was blocking out my concentration.

I look around and see him silent looking at his brother as he spoke, I grabbed Addy's hand "Need to go to my locker, see you in class Mabel," it was rushed as we exited.

I trusted Addy, "Where we runnin off to?"

"Need you to open a locker for me," she had a knack for these school locks, she opened Mabel's more than once for me. But this time it wasn't for a prank on our friend, she just listened to the lock as she moved it. She had talent as it sprang open inside was some school books, a knife, a brown sack, last was a single picture of his mother she was a stunner. I can't be seen here as I leave the book plain as day she just relocked it, we walked away from his, since my locker and her's are right around the hall.

Inside my locker was flame azaleas, a wild bouquet of them the fragrance filled the small space, "that smile," Addy gushed out. I didn't even know that I was smiling until she said so.

"They're so pretty you must have an admirer," no just a bad boy with a damn good heart.

I sighed, "maybe,"

I for once couldn't wait for gym even when Mabel groaning about not going to Hawaii for winter break, no she had to visit her sick grandfather upstate. The unfortunate thing must be devastated, but her words just rolled off us. Addy was watchful; her eyes followed mine she was very observant since both her parents are lawyers. So, when I saw Daryl, she saw the small smile that played on my lips, a little "oh," came from her mouth accompanied by a groan from mine.

We dress leaving the girls locker room heading into the more nauseating gym; the smell was horrid, the body order clung to the cold painted wall's. "My gosh it smells," Gail held her nose as the coach filed out with the boys, I just took the rope that was further back, Addy swatted the one next to me the rope flying in different directions.

A nerdy type guy caught her rope only to playfully whack her in the face; they looked so adorable together. His voice broke those thoughts, "how you get in my locker?"

"I could ask the same," our voices low enough but all he did was stare at me. "thank you they're so pretty," the rope felt wet from the sweat pooling up on my palms.

He looked at his brother, "it was nothing," but it was something. "It was something to me," his eyes spoke his shock, but he just takes the rope while I watched the lean muscle he had tense then release, over and over until he rung the small bell. "Nice time, Dixon. Hun time for you to try," we had all of the class for me to try, but now it was Daryl who would also be graded on my effort.

He dropped in front of me with a smirk, "Don't look down, sweet pea. I will try to catch you better if you tumble," it was oddly reassuring knowing he would be ready to try and save me.

With a deep breath, I climbed not once glancing down as I saw the bell coming closer and closer until I pressed the button making ti go off. Without thought, I looked down seeing he was smiling up than it was gone as he saw my panic, the way I held the rope so tight. "Focused on me, lower yourself," I tried keeping my eyes glued to his until his hands wrapped around my waist pulling me off the rope.

I beamed at him, "I did it, sweatin like a pig but I did it,"

Coach grunted, "Good job, hun," but he was happy you could tell as he marked us as complete.

"Still pretty as a peach," then his face paled he turned walking away like that would fix his words, but I liked them, nobody has ever said that to me.

Addy just bumps my shoulder, "Looks like something brewin, they way he looked at you. By all tarnation I wish,"

"You want to sleep over?" I asked before Mabel walked over.

"She goin to be there?

"No,"

"Than yes I do," we are horrible people for not wanting our snobby friend around.

Her nasal tone came, "You should shower after letting filth like that touch you,"

"He for one saved me yesterday and helped me today, he might be what people call redneck or white trash hillbillies but hell I would be hurt if not for him," it was either my tone or words, but she shut up fast even looking sad for a moment. I would shower at home before we went to Friday dinner, after-school Addy and I waved to Mabel who smiled waving back, her mother was very likable as she too waved us goodbye.

I walked with Addy down the road with the flowers in my hand when a pickup truck blew by honking like crazy; it was filled with rejects, all but him, he just sat on the ledge in the bed of the truck his eyes on me until we both vanished from sight.

I confessed, "I will spill every secret if you tell anyone," Addy smiled. "You can trust me," I knew this and I did trust her.

"IWASWITHHIMALLNIGHTSTARINGATSTARS," loud and one complete sentence as she wore a bewildered expression. "What was that?"

Sighing, "I was with him all last night, we talked and watched the stars we both freaked when the sun rose. I was able to slip into the house but by the grace of God," her eyes bulged.

"You be careful now, he is a Dixon," she would know, she had relations with Merle and regretted it every day she breathed.

"He ain't like that," I hoped.

The refreshing shower helped get the sticky heat off and the smell, I wore a blueberry and white summer maxi dress, it had a tribal pattern we found it in a local shop in New Orleans last summer. Addy wore a summer dress that was shorter and forest green, so it didn't clash with her red hair.

"COME ON," was bellowed from the floor below us. "TIME TO EAT," followed.

We four walked into what looked like a bar thirty minutes later, "We're meeting Will here, he and his boys will be putting up our new fence. Can you girls go sit," mama said it was a nice place as the waitress sat us in a booth, "can I get you, ladies, a drink?"

"Two Sherly temples please, may we also have a bowl of cherries," we ordered the same thing at any place. She just wrote it down before leaving us alone, "Great Will Dixon will be at my place, that means Merle will be there too," this was problematic since Addy would hate comin over.

"Maybe Daryl too,"

I ask, "You still goin to come over?"

"Of course," she acted like it was nothing but to her it was hard.

Will Dixon, was a tall man with a beard he looked friendly but I knew better, Merle got his looks from his pa while Daryl looked like a mix of both his parents. He had his mother's lush eyes his fathers chin and hair color, Daryl was shorter than his pa and brother, but he was still young. I watched with Addy as my mother's sat with them talking while we drank, I was hungry. Karen laughed, Will had to be charming but a drunk abusive bastard too, mama smiled than looked at us. "Oh gosh, you two girls order we are just getting this all tied up,"

"Finally, just abandon us," Addy laughed as my mother just shook her head.

I ordered the steak nachos when I saw my mothers eating at the other table with the three men and her wife.

Oh really, how rude.

Merle walked by heading to the pool room with Daryl in tow after they finished eating, his voice sounded gross. "Well well don't you girls look nice," he tried to be charmin, but it failed it had repulsed us.

"Leave, but at least seeing your pa we now know why you're ugly,"

"You hear this girl, she askin for it," but Daryl held his brother back. "you goin to lose pa this job, and he will tan your hyde, you won't walk for a week," Merle's anger deflated until he just gave us dirty looks. He would get some revenge somehow, but it would not be tonight.

"You right, come on they ain't worth our time,"

I fumed, I wanted him to punch his brother than have dinner with us because he was not his family. A redneck hillbilly very much so but not his family, but he just walked away like I wasn't worth it. We eat, and gossip like girls do when bored, but once we get home, we get to go night swimming.

"This is my daughter Sawyer and her best friend Adaline; Addy will be with us for two weeks while her parents go to Greece for work. So, even if we're not home, they will be. Girls this is an old friend Will Dixon," Karen smiled, I loved her the dense woman.

I smiled, "Don't you work for the guy who wants our land?"

"I do, but more work is good," he smiled at us. "I saw my boys over here hope they were courteous," I noticed a gleam in his eye now, a new hint in his tone.

"Oh yes, I know your younger boy from our shared gym class you must have taught him to climb with how fast he was able to ring the bell," laying on the charm so at least Daryl would avoid trouble.

"I sure did little miss," he seemed proud as the adults walked away letting us finish our nachos in peace.

By ten o'clock we are locked in my room in our jammies while my mothers watched some late-night show and cuddled together. We talked about the dance and did our toes when a soft thump hit my window, the drapes are open, but I see nothing as we unlocked it to peer out.

Daryl was on the lower ledge he was going to get us both in a world of hurt.

"You are trying to get killed?" my tone filled with disbelief as he just looked at me like that was an answer.

"I wanted to see you,"

"Well, you have, better now?"

His body moves faster than my brain registered, with a single hand he held on to the ledge of my windowpane, holding himself up it was a show of strength that he could.

Our faces inches apart, then his lips brush mine. Not innocently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. I want to pull away before I lose myself, but I can't seem to…In this beer flavored moment, my senses have been assaulted.

His forehead touched mine, "Yea better," Daryl is both a physically muscular man with a soft, emotional side. He is often volatile, but he is still significantly more level-headed than his older brother and father, maybe it's his Uncle Jess, his mother's brother who installed those traits.

He was gone like that before I had a fighting chance of responding.

"Trouble," Addy smiled, but her touch on my shoulder was one of comfort not dislike or intrusion.

I turn to her, "If my mothers or his family find out,"


	3. My girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of love

It was so easy to care about Dayrl; he was an expert at hunting, tracking, navigation, and observation. He would talk about how to live off the land, how to hunt, about what bushes and tree's that are to be avoided. He could speak to me forever about all this stuff and would listen to me while I babbled about life, books, and friends.

Addy, she covered for me as often as possible it has been way over a month now, it becomes rougher at school to act like we hardly care about the other. But at night his arms are the place I want to be, we mesh together. I hated him at times when he is hurtful or brass he was so different than what my mothers wanted for me; he was an old breed of guy.

He could survive while most of us live off new gadgets. We work to make money we all thought cash is so significant and it is but if the world was to end, we go right along with it but not the Dixon's that for sure.

I fell head over heels for him.

Addy taps her foot in her impatience; she was already ready for the day ahead while I stood in my room in booty shorts. My eyes were scanning for the sunflower crop top; we had to stay home since the Dixons are coming to work on the iron fence. "Its right here," Addy was a lifesaver and a good one, like a butterscotch lifesaver.

She even braided my hair down the left side leaving a few stray hairs to hang around framing my face. "Thanks,"

My mothers are on their way out when we make it downstairs "I only have three classes, and Karen has two meetings so only a few hours. If they start acting funny come inside, their pa will not be here to control them," she used humor, but she meant it, they both had it ass backward.

I rolled my eyes, "yeah sure, if we get scared well run back in and lock the doors,' they knew I was sarcastic but let it go like usual, they never questioned why.

Like that we are left alone, but not for very long little over an hour later the front bell rang. Addy stayed behind as I opened it seeing Merle and Daryl both looking like they rolled in the dirt. I saw only a glimpse of a rifle in the back window of the truck, they been huntin. I spoke, "yes?"

"Just lettin ya'll know we are here," Merle just bitched and moaned before walking away with a snap. "Get your ass over here, Dayrl,"

"Need to take a piss if that's okay with you," snapping back as I moved to let him in.

Was called back, "Actually it ain't okay," but Dayrl was in, and the door slammed, so we didn't have to look at his brother. I hesitantly looked up at him. The swirls of emotion I saw there made me gasp. Lust and desire. However, before I could ponder about it further, he yanked me to him and covered my mouth with his in a hungry kiss. As our lips crushed together, I felt like I was walking on air. It was magic, the way his lips connected with mine. His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than I could have imagined and I opened my mouth with a low moan. The feeling of his tongue against mine the scent of our breath mixing, the warmth of his hands moving over my bare midriff only sent shivers down my legs.

It ended with our foreheads touching each of us trying to breathe normally. "I have to go, sweet pea. Don't need my brother finding out nothin," I wanted to be held, wanted to stop all the hiding. I wasn't embarrassed by having him as my boyfriend, but I still wasn't sure if he felt the same.

He walked out, and that was the end of it, we just watched from the roundabout porch letting the ceiling fans cool us. It was a definite six feet tall and made of twisted black rods. In the end, some were curled in convoluted patterns, and opportunist spiders had created webs there. The gate only took them three weekends to put together, but right now all I see is Daryl removing his shirt, and my lord have mercy on me. his chest was covered in a fine layer of sweat you could see the lean muscle and scars his wife beaters, flannels, and vest covered.

Addy gave a low whistle, "He sure ain't his brother," we are both glad of that. The heat was sticky as lunch rolled around "Come on we have to feed them, my mother's orders," we walked into the air conditioning home letting the air help with the residue of the heat. We just made four sandwiches, no rabbit food for them only meats and cheese, with chips and iced lemonade we had made before they arrived.

Addy spit in a single drink, that was by far the grossest thing she has ever done, but she smiles taking the glass. I took another, and the sandwich I just finished "You nasty,"

"I know,"

They were working hard at least, but when we moved closer, Daryl turned his face was red from the heat, but his skin was tan. "Here you go, Dixon," he only raised a brow at me taking the offered drink first, he drank it in a single gulp.

I offered, "Want another," all he did was nod a yes as I leave to get another glass, the flowers are in bloom all around our land. The oaks tall giving us shade but for now I walk back into the heat with another filled glass, seeing him eating in the grass under a tree.

I bend down, "Here you go,"

"Get me another glass," Merle was a womanizer "No, not your maid. Got your brother one because I felt nice but you can walk your ass into the house and get it yourself, cupcake,"

He grumbled about sassy mouthed women and their places, but that was the end as he got himself a damn drink. My friend just watched him do as such "sweet pea, what is it?"

I just kicked the grass up, "I don't want to hide us anymore, like are you embarrassed that I am your girl?"

He retorted, "Never, you're too good for me. I don't want you to get the flack that will come because it's me, you ain't going to change my mind," his tone was final, it hurt no matter how much I didn't want it to hurt. I felt it the tears coming on with my lower lip quivering he swore getting to his feet, trying to comfort me as it began. Tears and me making my escape back into the house, Addy was Switzerland she understood us both. I watched him leaving a few hours later we say nothing to each other the damage was done, I hated myself for loving him.

On Monday morning we walked into school together with Mabel and Sue Anne, I wore a black pleated skirt with a red long sleeve crop top and keds. It was to get him to notice me and maybe change his mind, and he did see me, but the look scared me he was teed off something deadly.

Keeping my head down between classes was best but right after lunch in my locker was a note with four words "Not going to work," frustrated. Addy burst out, "Whats not working?" he could hear her as he was going to be passing us.

"I picked your clothes don't let him bother you, you're a strong woman," he heard her, and now he thinks he is wrong by the look on his face, but he keeps his distance still.

"Sawyer, this is Hunter he is new here. His father works for mine," Mabel looked proud of herself as she introduced us, I smiled with my hand out. Hunter flashed his pearly whites shaking my hand. "So nice to meet you, Mabel you never said all your friends were so pretty," he gushed as if Mabel would ever allow herself to have an "ugly" friend.

I knew he was watching with his friends and his brother and his friends, well he was watching not them. "That is very kind of you, Addy we have to go," I mentioned, Hunter's smile was just that of a hunter after his pray, a sick, deprived hunter at that.

"Yup," she added.

Hunter asked, "Would you like to go out this weekend, Mabel and Kyle will also be in attendance. I also like to be around beautiful people,"

I answered, "No, I have a boyfriend," it was the truth.

"You do not," Mabel snapped at me as Addy snapped back. "Yes she does, maybe if you got over yourself, you would have known. But no you think you're god's gift to the human race, but guess what sweetie this isn't about you. Hunter get bent she will not give you the time of day," she was brass, and I loved it.

"Sorry, I never told you,"I offered to Mabel when Hunter's face was turning redder as everyone was staring at us, I had made a joke out of him with no intention to do as such.

Hunter looked down at me, "That's fine, not like you're in my league. Yeah, you have old money, but you're not very pretty not like Mabel," he was too close with every anger filled word he moved closer to Addy and me, that was until he came face to face with my boyfriend.

Daryl was taller than Hunter, and his anger was a force to reckon with "Get the fuck away from my damn girl," now if everyone wasn't staring they sure are now, I placed my hand on his shoulder, but he never looked.

Hunter gasped, "A drunks son? Over me,"

I snarled, "Any day loser, Babe, come on," Addy was doing crowd control as I tried to get him to move, in the end, all he did was turn towards me and when our eyes locked it was only us. The next thing I knew, he had slammed his lips to mine and nearly knocked all wind from my lungs.

I hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of my lips and, at my grant of access, delved inside my mouth. It was a very sloppy kiss with the strong scent of what I took as fermented wine being exchanged in the intermingling of our billowing breaths. My arms reached up and tangled around his thick, muscular neck. In an instant I had pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, moaning in the contact of body heat against my own, before I drew back into his lips.

He moaned against my lips, "You're mine sweet pea,"


	4. The Military can have Merle

Thank's for reading, the next chapter will be about 10 months into the future. Many things will be explained and review or pm if you have questions.

And that was how I ended up sitting in this chair facing both my parents, both who also think I have gone off the deep end per say. Karen just looked at me, "Sawyer, hunnie. He is not right for you, not at all saying he ain't a good person, but he isn't right for you," they should be more open-minded, but here I sit getting the third degree.

I looked at my other mother who had been silent for some time; she was watching me with intense blue eyes. "All I can say Sawyer is he will drag you down, his family are born to be backwoods people. You are destined for something more," they had no faith in him, he could be more.

Tears filled my eyes as I glared as fiercely as I could, "You two, I thought you would have open minds, but you're as judgmental as the rest of town. He is a backwoods person, but you know what no one will ever love me the way he does, no yank will ever compare. He is nothing like what ya'll think; he is so smart and caring, he reads and has even taught me things. But all you see is he is from the wrong side of the mountain; well guess what so are you both. In no way will you or his pa stop us from seeing each other," my words dripping with anger before I ran from the house and into the twilight sky, even hearing them screaming for me to stop I pushed myself faster and faster. The grass and dirt pounded further into the ground as I just sobbed running in no real direction, but I knew it was getting darker and darker as I did it.

Dropping to my knees all I could see are the trees that were tightly-knit, just one strand in a massive web of life. Green leaves, yellow leaves, red leaves. It was a rainbow of vibrant, autumnal colors. The scent of earth and water drifted through the air. It was a picture of serenity, one which would endure for many long years. I moved again knowing now how to maneuver in these woods, but what I need was not to get lost in them.

I watched as the trees thinned out and the rushing waters of Blue ridge river was close, I followed the river until I could no longer, laying in the dirt staring at the stars as he and I once did. I know this much: that there is objective time, but also subjective time, the kind you wear on the inside of your wrist, next to where the pulse lies. And this personal time, which is the actual time, is measured in your relationship to memory

With my back pressed into the massive oak, I watched the mountains lay in a great line like the spine of the land. It was as if long ago they were a great beast, only to lie down one day and never get up. Perhaps the creature fell into an enchanted sleep; maybe its soul was still in there. The range was high to the west and low to the east, curling at the end like a tail.

Daryl, I could hear his yelling, over and over "SAWYER!" panic was heard in every word yelled, he for once was scared, but maybe it was all in my head. But then there he was looking like hell himself, "I am right here," low and tired.

He says nothing arms out as he picks me up holding on to me, "I love you, Daryl," maybe he didn't love me, but I wasn't going to lie to him and not say it.

His eyes are the key to when he lies, to when he cares or doesn't, he was shocked. "You love me?"

"Yes, you don't have to love me back,"

"But I do, you're my girl. You're what my mother meant when she said you would only find one love in your lifetime, the one you want to marry and never not wake up to their face. Sawyer, it's you,"

We say nothing the emotions are understandable for the other to see, "Your mothers came looking for you both were sobbin. My pa and Merle are also in the woods looking for you, its nearly four in the morning, sweet pea,"

Great, I was in more trouble than before, but he didn't care he just picked me up bridal style carrying me through the forest once again. Daryl, he never looked down he just moved through the woods as if he knew every twist and turn every log that had fallen. His scent was like the forest and a spiced musk his arms so loving and tense that my eyes closed, I could hear others callin, but they stayed closed.

A small gasp and my best friends voice echoed, "Oh god, is she okay,"

"Yeah, she just tired that's all," his voice was soothing "They ain't goin to keep us apart, this is my girl," a small glimpse into a sweeter side of him, a side he rarely showed.

I felt him set me in bed and that was it.

The warm ball of light filtered through my thin eyelids awoke me the next morning. Rays of brightness cast squares onto the glossy polished wooden floor, reflecting onto several objects in the room which decorated its otherwise simplicity. Blinking a few times, in an attempt to help my eyes adjust to the illumination directed right at my defenseless figure. I just groaned heading to the bathroom for my morning routine, I still had school, and there at least I was not under someone's thumb.

The brush went through my hair with force getting the tangle's out after it hung in a thick straight curtain down my back, in no way did I feel up to going, but here I was making sure my appearance was appropriate. Blue jeans that clung to me with Adidas paired black and white flannel, my jacket already in my locker since it was getting colder now.

A slight half knock was my warning as the door opened, Ma's eyes moved around the room. "Looking for Daryl, try his house. He sure ain't here," knowing better than to ever really sass her but all that flew out the window.

Her eyes narrowed a little as she spoke, "I am sorry, Sawyer. We don't agree with this,"

I cut her right off, "Try and stop me from seeing him; it will fail. You can either love and support me and watch us be happy. If we fail then we fail, but at least it wouldn't be your fault," she cocked her head her lips pressed into a thin line, her eyes became glossy.

"I once said that to my father, well as you know he died hating me for loving Karen. Now I see you saying nearly the same words that are putting me in my father's shoes. I can't be him, so you can date him, and I pray it works for you," like that I rushed her my arms so tight around her, her acceptance was something I had needed.

"I love you, mama,"

I hated Karen and mom not talking, but here it is they sit close while Mom drives me to school but no words are being said between them. Not until I am ready to get out of the car, Karen sighed. "I don't agree with mom on this one, but I won't be goin against her. I hope Daryl is not his father or older brother because in the end, it will be you who gets hurt. I knew his mama, and she was a damn fine woman and Will well he loved her and she him so much she left college and lived in the mountains with him in a nice cabin. He burned it down while he was drunk his smoke making his home go up and her life went out. He saved his sons but failed to save her, and that changed him, I see it, the way he is with those boys,"

I snapped, "You know do you, guess you didn't care enough to get him help after he killed his wife. Daryl ain't his family," the door slamming was the last they heard. I can't tell anyone, but she was an adult she should be pounding his door down with the police.

But when I walked into the school by damn all eyes are on me, jocks, delinquents, rich, and red necks all alike are looking at me. Mabel was fuming as she made a beeline for me as I neared my locker. I could feel my heartbeat… every single pound in my chest. But I couldn't stand there. I had to but I couldn't. This great pounding, this enormous pressure; every beat. All eyes are on me, the whispering growing louder and louder even as the nasal voice of Mabel echoed in my head. "I can't believe you, Sawyer. I mean him are you pulling an Addy on me?"

My eyes hardened, "Enough, you have no say in my love life. If you think you do, then you're mistaken go bitch and moan to Sue Anne or somebody who cares. You want to drop the rich mean girl shit and be friends then fine. Other than that stay out of my way and leave Addy the hell alone," like that she turned on her heel walking away and for once I didn't care because I was having a panic attack with all these people looking at me like I was a freak.

Addy smiled," Girl, it is all over school about Dixon and you. Some were saying some rather nasty shit but some impressed he could land you and than some questioning your sanity to be dating him," we walked to the third-period class while my mood dashed as Daryl never arrived.

His friends watched me though, but at lunch there he was sittin with his brother the moment he saw me he was up. I take a seat with Addy at a lone table since there was no way we were sittin with Mabel, he sits with us his tray on the table as a few of his "friends" also came to have a seat.

"I am sorry," was all he said to me.

"Why?"

"Not shown up had some important things to do this morning, had to," he stops talking only to take my hand. "It wasn't important. How're you?"

He was hiddin something. "What were you doin this morning?" I questioned, but his face changed into a hard grimace.

"It isn't important now can you drop it,"

I hated this; this wasn't the first time. "Sure," I smiled but in no way was I dropping anything.

Addy was coming over for another sleepover, "Look, Sawyer, I know you but just want to say. Maybe you don't want to know what he's doin, you love him right?" she knew, she knew and didn't want me to know or afraid I would be hurt.

"I do love him, you know this," we wait for Daryl to show up after detention since he asked to walk me home.

She finished, "Than drop it for now. He ain't cheating that much I will tell you but for now, drop it, or you will not like what you find. And you two love each other like old people" oh, that was nice.

A long sigh as I finally answer her, "For now," that was the best they're getting, but in the end, he and I would not have any secrets. I thought Merle was the only inspirational figure Daryl had during his youth and thus inherited his backward views on society. However, due to his older brother's service in juvenile detentions, Merle frequently became absent from Daryl's life, and thus he was reluctantly forced to fend for himself, upon where he developed a hard-boiled survivalist mindset. I invaded their personal circle one more reason for Merle to hate me, but he was leaving soon to enlist and I was all for that.

But for now he walks us home, and everything is fine.

But around nine a knock on my front door nearly sends Addy and I running, one its very late. Two know one knocks on our door this late so I grab the rifle and load it before answering, thanks to my boyfriend I could at the very least hit the target.

I half wanted to pull the trigger even when it was only Merle at my front door, "What you want?" snapping at him while lowering the gun before handing it off to Addy who vanished from sight.

His voice was more soft but old still, "I am leaving tonight; he doesn't know. I can't say goodbye to him might act like I don't care bout Daryl, but I do. He is my little brother, so you take care of him, okay. Cause he loves you, loved you enough to go against our pa to still be with you. Maybe you can change him but maybe not, just be careful of our pa," that was it he gave me no room to talk as he tried to walk away.

But I grabbed his uniform, "Merle, I can't change him but I can love him, and as long as we're together he will be okay," this seemed good enough to him as he gave me a half smile before getting into a sleek car with two others.

"He's gone, Addy,"


	5. Blue crystals

Review please, I know it ain't everyone's cup of tea and it will get better. But loving the view count!

Merle deployed leaving Daryl alone to face their father, Karen threatened her friend once Daryl came over with a black eye. They might not be his biggest fan, but no child should be hit, but it wouldn't stop him he just hit where they couldn't see. I saw his back on the day at the river it was all marked up it pained me because it was him, nothing I could do, and the scars it would leave.

Daryl, well he stopped coming to school, and that was a massive issue for me because he could be more than a hired hand and convict. He was only home after a three-week stay in jail for something, something he was trying really hard to keep from me.

My mothers are at their end with him, they agree he loves me more than they ever thought but he has these ways of surviving ingrained in him more so now that his brother has been gone. He waits for me after school in this old gray pickup, Addy will meet us at home since its Friday, and that means movie night. He gives me this country boy smile before kissing me like it was still our first time, and with our hands intertwined he drove off.

I leaned on him, "So, heard you dropped out?"

He grunted as a response, "I wish you wouldn't, babe,"

His tone was so cold, "You have no say, sweet pea. I am going to be okay we will be okay," but would we?

He never asked or cared about what I wanted or what I thought, and it hurt. So, I move from his arm looking out the window. "Daryl, I don't understand you. When we first were together, it seemed like you cared about what I thought and what I wanted out of us and now it is what you think is what's best. I ain't going to be your housewife or barefoot and pregnant so if you think so get the thought right out your head boy, it ain't happening. You spend more time in jail these day's since you're eighteen before that it was juive," every word came out with this tone he hated it was the rich girl tone, the one I knew for sure he hated.

He is quiet, but the small twitch in his left eye is the only sign I pushed him too far today. "Look, Daryl, I love you so much but if things don't change than I am gone. All that I have asked from is you, to be honest, and treat me with respect not your doormat, right now I know you been lyin and we both know you have had a god awful attitude with a slight controlling obsessed way about you,"

He says nothing which set's me on edge, even more, my house stands in front of us as he turns the engine off before turning to me a look that scared me was resting on his face. I could see Addy watching from the porch his deep voice broke through the slight fear I was feeling. "Look I ain't the best boyfriend but you ain't leaving me, I know I have been away, and it hurt you. You need to understand that is not something I would ever do to you; I don't need you to know everything right now we have only been together for eighteen months," he tried boy did he work it but the way he tried made it worse or better.

"I have to go it's movie night with Addy we're going to go see Independence day, you want to go?" I offered he never went but I would always ask him to, Daryl and I did dates on Sundays most of the time. At times it bummed me out not having him go, her boyfriend went but not mine, but cannot force him to do nothing he ain't ready to do.

Grunting, "No, got business,"

Eyes narrowed my breathing heavier, "fuck you and your business; I have just about had it with you," before he could snag my arm I bolted slamming his door taking off across the lawn, the gate was now locked behind me as I fumed up the porch steps.

I gave her the evil eye, "You know where he is goin?"

"A general direction, Merle took me once. Let me guess we're following him,"

By the look on my face she never needed me to answer, but first, he has to leave, but he fumes in his truck watching us plotting. "Let's just leave and act like we goin to the movies," she relented from his stare, he sure was hot when angry. He was still better than all the rest he made me feel like nothing could hurt me while he was there, safe and loved.

"Do not look at him, Sawyer. Be strong," my eyes are on her, the floor her BMW anywhere but my boyfriend who was staring like he lost his marbles. The gravel spewed out behind her as she took off down Monroe lane with his truck tailing us all the way through town. Until he physically grabbed my arm leading me into the movies "DON'T PULL THAT SHIT AGAIN, WOMAN," his tone was loud as so many folks sternly looked at us, he just shoved money into my hand before walking out.

Second guessing myself as I watched him leaving the way his body was tense with anger, the heat and raw emotions that rolled off his body. Even with the wife beater and flannel heat could be felt but that was impossible, it was my head making it up knowing he was teed with me. I was just too curious she drove off ten minutes later knowing where he was going it got dark fast, and here in Georgia, it was very dark with the stars brighter than most other place's she drove and the back-street boys played.

"We are going to have to hide now you will see a few things but don't get pissy with me, I told you not too. He ain't bad, he ain't cheating," she droned on but if it was none of those what was it. I had no clue where we were but it was dark and creepy, we stay as hidden as possible but in the semi-lit alley I see his truck and him leaning on it. Addy pulled me further back when three more men came from the other side the alley was dim with light that oozes through a narrow gap lies the alleyway. It's the underworld of any town: gloomy and unpleasant. The vines that crawl up window sills and the crumbling plaster that envelopes the old stone bricks appear romantic at first but become daunting as the sun sets behind the skyline of chimneys. Darkness is lurking in every corner inside the labyrinth of narrow passages and dead ends. Litter is dumped on the street and birds nest amongst the sprawling rot.

Her face says hush or else, so we watch and cover our nose's at the unpleasant scents hitting us. I can hear Daryl his tone is more profound and gruff even raspy, I can't understand his words accurately, but I see the clear bag with what looks to be periwinkle blue crystals inside. It hit me like a ton of bricks he was dealing drugs; I was dating a drug dealer an eighteen-year-old dealer. My heartbreak is grief that comes in waves, grueling, stealing appetite and sleep alike.

Addy gives me a looked filled with love and pity, she warned me, and I let my curiously get to me. But when Addy nearly lost her balance everything went downhill, a small can rolled making enough noise to gain all their unwanted attention.

We hear while trying to make a run for it, "Go see what that was," shit, that was his voice.

We couldn't run fast enough, but we stood zero chance as a guy grabbed my neck, a guy we saw with Merle a fair few times grabbed Addy who just let him lead her to the group of men. I was going to die tonight, "Seems we have to deal with two small problems," was heard from behind me as I was dragged with force his fingers biting into my neck.

I yelped, "DARYL,"

But his face paled when he saw us; his tone tried to play it off. "You met Adaline before,"

"And who is her little friend,"

I snapped at the bald man, he looked dangerous, but his goon was about to take my head off. "None of your damn business,"

"That's my problem, let her go, or I will tear that fuckin arm off,"

The man quipped, "Yes I do remember hearing about her, your girlfriend if I am correct. Merle spoke highly of her, now, now Daryl keep her mouth shut, or we will pay her a visit," he was threating me, and Daryl understood him just fine.

"Try it, and you will be the first to go," his friend just forced Addy and I back near her car, this was our chance. "You wait right there, sweet pea. You and I are going to be having words," like all hell.

The moment the others left, and he came forward we fled, so fast, both in tears shaking.

DEAR LORD

Dear lord, I love him.

A drug dealer.

Sobbing with snot falling, "Addy, what do I do?"

Her tears still fallen, "Sawyer, I can't tell you. But he is going to be very teed with us both,"

I knew deep down I had to tell him to stop dealing or he and I are over and done with.

My home was safe even as he knocked on my window at three in the morning; I just gave him a look not opening my window. His brown hair was a mess his knuckles bloody, "Open it now, woman,"

"You went on a binder and done lost your mind, go home and sleep the moonshine off. I need to think; I don't think I can look passed this, Daryl. You need to choose before we talk again, it's me or your dealing. I love you, but you have until tomorrow to tell me," Addy closed my drapes before her arms wrapped around me trying in her way to comfort me.

"He goin to chose you,"

He better…


	6. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was freezing cold, I have not talked to Daryl in a week he was very angry with me, and according to Addy, he thought it best he stays away and stay away he did. It's Saturday, and I am having lunch with Addy and her boyfriend before she leaves for the week, its Christmas break two glorious weeks off school.

It was freezing cold, I have not talked to Daryl in a week he was very angry with me, and according to Addy, he thought it best he stays away and stay away he did. It's Saturday, and I am having lunch with Addy and her boyfriend before she leaves for the week, its Christmas break two glorious weeks off school.

The snow fall's lightly as I walked from the house it was so pretty, Karen, out snow chain's on her truck so that I could use it while on break. The roads are horrible, but nothing I couldn't handle even the black ice was tricky but with care was able to not get into a wreak. The town was decked out in holiday décor lights streamed from lamp post to lamp post, I was voted this year's Snow Queen over Mary and Mabel, much to their joined anger. So, on Christmas eve I would be on the front float waving with a fake smile plastered to my face, the only good part was Mabel and Mary sitting below me.

Once I parked the wind had picked up a little, my coat was buttoned, my mittens, hat, and earmuffs on making the cold more bearable. Addy is cuddled into Grayson for warmth he holds her closer "Hey," I called out knowing they could still hear me with the wind whistling.

Faces light up as we hug, Grayson and I hated the fact she was leaving even if it was only for a week. "Come on it too damn cold,"

I sipped my hot chocolate listening to in chatter coming from every direction as we finished our lunch an hour later, we had to hit a few shops before we all head home. The snow falls so lightly making it a scene from some Disney movie, but this is mountain life and seeing the snow-capped mountains was a sight everyone should see. Folk move and laugh enjoying the season, "Hey, look who it is," my best friend nearly sent me into the gutter that was filled with snow as she bumped me. "Shit, sorry,"

She was something else, "Lucky for you; I have good reflexes," my tone trying to sound harsh. I watched where she was looking and right there was Daryl and two of his cronies, I knew his Pa was with Keegan since Karen was snapping at Keegan for trying to once again ask us to sell the land to him. His face had a bruise, but he just stared taking in what he was seeing but this is his fault, he said to stay away.

Grayson just blurted out, "GOING TO STARE OR ACTUALLY TALK TO HER,"

Daryl and his friends just gave him a look that had him heading into the nearest store dragging his girl with him, but at least Daryl was walking over. He stood in front of me scratching the back of his head trying to think of how to come at me. "You make your choice?" this was endgame he had to make a choice, I was not going to be with a dealer, and he knew this.

"I did a while ago, but I was so pissed it was best we spend time without each other,"

"I can make it permanent," but he just let a small deep growl out "I will stop, for you," I wanted to trust him, but something in his eyes wouldn't fully let me believe in his words.

I sighed, "I hope you ain't lyin because this is our last chance and I want it to work. You're the one I can see myself married too,"

His arms are warm even through his thick winter coat, "I love you, Sawyer. I got some work to do nothing bad taking some supplies to pa's. Within the next few weeks, a storm will be comin,"

His warm lips touched mine; he's kissing me. Once, twice, until I've had a taste and realized I'd never have enough. He's everywhere up my back and over my arms, and suddenly he's kissing me harder, more profound, with a fervent urgent need I've never known before. But the town was not the place for this as we broke apart both with red lips and chapped cheeks from the cold wind. "Get home, a small storm is coming by nightfall, make sure you have a few days supplies. You need me to stay and help?" he offered to stay with me, but he has his supplies to get home to.

I was still breathless, "You go on ahead, I can manage with Grayson and Addy," and I could, having a list already what to get and some extras too. He just hugged me once again before leading me into the very warm market.

"I will be at your place as soon as I am done," and he would which gave me little time to get my shit done.

Addy was waiting, alone. "Daryl, he scares Grayson. We need to hurry it's getting worse outside," she was right. "Yea lets hurry. Your mother coming to get you at my place? Like how you even going to fly out in this weather?" she grunted.

I packed two cases of water into the cart; some canned food, candles, more batteries, we had kits at home. Some candy, chips, all the firewood was gone but we had some, just hope it was enough the storm came on faster than we knew. Three loaves of bread and some milk, more junk as Addy dropped in a few things. Beef jerky would be good, we stock up, but we are just making sure the pantry is fully stocked.

Grayson left after helping us pile it into the cab, "Let's go, got to get this truck in the garage before the heavy snowfall. Maybe they will cancel the Snow parade," my words filled with hope having to wear the gown in the cold even with the fur wrap was beyond anything I wanted to do. The roads more hazardous on the drive back but nearly two hours later we're home, the truck covered in the garage while we fill the pantry before we check the firewood, taking to logs to start a blazing fire.

We change into sweats and sweaters; she makes us hot cocoa while I check the storm. "You can't fly in this, like how's my mother's getting home. Dear lord, look," she did it was a swirling storm of screaming silver.

The phone started to go off behind us, "I will get it," I stayed watching the storm raging, but the gray of his pick up is seen as I take to the side door so he could park. His hair was everywhere when we walked back in together.

"It's your mothers, they are stuck," but it was Daryl who took the phone.

His tone serious, "You okay?" we hear one side of the conversation.

"Where you at, I am coming," but like that he was hanging up. "Your mothers are stuck on the 10, I am going to get them home best I can keep the fire blazing," he ordered us his tone like a whip.

"Take Karen's Truck it has a hitch on it," he just took her keys with a nod, but his face was all business. He was needed, and that made the difference to him. I felt the need to move almost without end; if my limbs were moving the anxiety was gone, or at least we could ignore it a while. As the minutes passed into hours, I could lose myself, much like in a dream. It was only inside walls that I knew it was still there, coursing through my veins as if it hitched a ride in my blood cells. Addy would walk with me, getting cocoa ready keeping the fire stoked, blankets and dry, warm clothes. Anything we could think of was ready, "Been four hours, my mother is probably at home in the bath," she spat.

"Call your daddy, let him know you're safe,"

The phone would not last long, her voice worried but still lingering with happiness. "Yes daddy, I am at Sawyers. Mother is not answering the house line; I am safe here. Love you too daddy," she has always been a daddy's girl, and nothing would change that.

"He said stay even if she shows up in a snow blower," she might, she might try and have Alfred drive it to their California vacation home. We watched for nearly forty minutes when the bright top lights on her truck are seen, but we wait for a few more before going to open the garage giving them time to get her truck and mamas car in.

All three looked frozen, "Come in," we pulled them by their frozen limbs. The fire crackled as we helped wrap them in blankets shoving hot cups into their hands, faces red but they're alive.

"Thank you, girls, the fire feels good," mother moaned as they warmed up little by little. I just cuddled into Daryl who finally stopped shaking and drank his warm drink.

Karen gave him a hard look, "Thank you, Daryl. Took some guts to brave that storm just to get us. Going to call your Pa and tell him, also that there ain't no way you can make it back tonight. He might be a bastard, but he does care about you," yeah like the time he got lose in the woods for nine days, and his Pa never noticed.

He says nothing, but nods as she gets up, mother behind her "We are going to bathe before the heat is gone. You three stay by the fire," she ordered like we had any intention of moving from the heat.

Addy, put a marshmallow on her stick sticking it into the fire when his arm came around me. "Good drink," was mumbled as Addy winked.

"Added a little extra for you," fuck, she spit in his drink he looked into the glass before kicking her thigh, a yelp later she pulled the roasted mellow off plopping it into her mouth. Her eyes on him, "Want some more," when she opened her mouth the glob was all mixed with her spit.

"You're nasty," I laughed this was a future I wanted laughing with them, his arm around me and her spitting in his drink.

My mothers come back in looking better, both on the sofa covered in a thick blanket "Your Pa said to be safe, and see you tomorrow," he was a great actor, but he wouldn't punish Daryl for this at least. The worst of this would be done by morning, so after two glasses of wine, my mothers headed off to bed with a firm watch them to Addy. We three just lay by the fire with Daryl closer since he said he was not going to sleep, Addy was the first to pass out. This was new laying in his arms my head on his covered chest while we held each other hearing the storm still raging beyond the walls of the house.

His voice was as low as possible, "I never felt like this before, but with you, there have been a lot of first. I feel like you should know if we go further together, well that I had done it before," oh, I understood if we ended up one-day having sex he was no virgin.

Sighing, "I figured you were not a virgin, but look we ain't taking us to the next level until I know you never caught something. I am a virgin," he knew, I knew, hell Addy knew. She was a rick girl that lost her's to Merle Dixon, from what she said that was the only good thing about him was what was hanging between his legs.

"You thinking we could be together, maybe one day,"

"it has crossed my mind," like every day, I was eighteen and hormonal. It could be his dirty jeans to his daydreaming eyes but god he was sexy as all hells. We have feelings that are not visible; we do things to prevent ourselves from being miserable. Being honest is what makes us believable, for our beliefs may not always be reachable. The quote came to my head, he was shocked I thought that. My head lolls, and the muscles of my face relax, releasing the tension of the day. Daryl, covers me holding me close with a small loving kiss my eyes closed.

He was the man to fill my dreams, what we will be.

If only I would have known the end was so soon if only those I trusted didn't betray me.


	7. So close to having it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A river and ice cream

This story is getting a good hit count, nearly no reviews and that sucks. If you have a way for me to improve or constructive criticism you can also pm. Thank you for reading. There will be a time jump.

June 12th, 1997…

I lay on the flat rock after my high school graduation, the blizzard so many months ago now the heat returned making me feel as if I stepped from the shower by walking outside with its sticky heat. I was waiting for Addy and Daryl, Addy had to finish her dinner with her father, and Daryl god love him, he was off doin something. My mothers and I will be going to dinner tomorrow since I wanted to rest today.

I turned feeling someone staring, it was my redneck, in only shorts for swimming his chest gleaming with sweat. Our first time had been so sweet and filled with passion, but with him after it was as Addy put it fuckin. He was a beast, my beast, and I never wanted another. The facade we show the world melts away and all we want is to fuck each other's brains out. Every kiss has a raw intensity - breathing fast, heart rates faster. Then before I know how it happened, we are naked and our skin is moving softly together, like the finest of silk. I feel his hand enter from below moving fast, our tongues entwined in a kiss, and then he's inside, changing my breathing with every thrust, hearing my moans timed to his body. Then all at once he stops and kisses from my breasts to my stomach, his hands light; then he's licking and using his fingers all at once, watching my reaction, feeling how my legs move, watching my body writhe. He tells me he's going to make me beg for it and I just let out a moan, unable to articulate a response. In seconds he's on me again, fucking me harder, just long enough to intoxicate my mind before stopping again. If it's begging he wants, he's gonna have to stop long enough for my brain to start working again first...Other than his gruff voice the wild river behind below us only urges us to go on.

Our foreheads touched when we heard Addy laughing with Grayson, "Oh fuck," the sharp pain as he pulled out so we could scramble to dress in the few seconds warning they gave.

The rest of the day was filled with laughter and a few screams from Grayson if Daryl got to close, I loved Grayson, but he had no backbone or was he able to protect Addy. Cool water mixed with the sticky heat made summer bearable. With his arms holding me above water while the whitewater hit us "you feel so good," he moaned into my ear giving it a little nip to get his point across.

Purple welts were scattered across his back like a disease. It hurt to breathe just seeing them "When you are going to leave home, you ain't no child and shouldn't let him be hittin you," anguish so much came out in my tone.

He avoids my eyes, "We goin on a date tomorrow?"

"Yea," like that the conversation was over well about his Pa it was over. A high-pitched yell bellowed making us all jump, Daryl just peered over his shoulder. His face lit up "You motherfucker," was called as he dragged me through the water passed Addy who was already heading for the hills so to speak.

Merle Dixon stood taller if possible and more muscular as well, it was a very manly hug, "Look at you, got some muscle and grew finally, and look Sawyer. Now she grew," I flipped him off.

"Babe, I am going to go home and shower you run off and have a good time with your brother," knowing he wanted to and deep down I wanted him to as well. I had no issue going to bed early; I was always tired enough.

He smiled, "You sure?"

"Yeah but our date stands even with him back in town,"

Merle leaned against the tree as he spoke, "Only back for a week, have a year left," thank god he was leaving. "Walk your girl to her vehicle; I will be waiting," the way he watched us gave me a suspicious impression.

"Keep him from trouble, Merle," our eyes met, and our last conversation is still remembered between us. "Sure, thing sweetheart,"

Addy was waiting at my truck, Grayson was gone. "Girl, love him but damn is he yella," she groaned getting into my truck. "You better not get into trouble with them, swear it, Daryl. Six tomorrow for our date,"

He kissed me the way his teeth nipped my bottom lip made me moan, "I swear it, see you at six. Dress in jeans," we are not into fancy shit, well once in a while it would be nice. Means we were doing something he wants and nothing I want, but these are the perks of dating Daryl.

He just gives me a final kiss before he takes off with his loser friends and family while I drive off with my best friend. "You know not going to lie, I heard you from a mile away. He sound's like he is way better in the sack than his older brother," the way she said it without care had me in a fit of laughter, only it being funny kept the vomit at bay thinking of Merle in bed.

We should not be laughing, but here we're laughing until I see Will leaving the house with both my mothers. Addy snorted, "I don't trust them three when together,"

"Same," we smiled waving as I called out "Hello Mr. Dixon, so glad to see Merle home for a week," a glint in his eye but he wouldn't touch Merle, Merle would not allow such a thing.

Addy was doing my toes while I fussed with her hair, "think I am going to break it off with Grayson, we had it so good in the beginning, and now it is just he is a pansy," he was, he really was.

I stuck a butterfly clip in her wild curly red hair, "Bout time," by the end my toes are blood red same with my fingers while I did her's a forest green as not to clash with her hair. It was still only eight "How about we go get some Dairy Queen?" I offered her green eyes hold fire now.

"YEAH,"

I drove through a dark town until we reached the local ice cream shop, it had some people in it. I also saw Daryl's truck by the liquor store, guess he is getting drunk again, gross habit.

Brent smiled, "Hey girls. What Sawyer no guard dog tonight?" he was too, he would rip your throat out in an instant.

Rolling my eyes, "He is hanging with his brother, now how about you get me a mixed cone with chocolate jimmies. This girl would like a fudge brownie sundae," he hated Daryl, in fact not many people liked him because his behavior and not like I couldn't see their point, its just I know him like no other.

The bell goes off, and the old man voice goes off behind us, "Seems he has a little problem with my brother, now I don't take too kindly to folks talking trash about him. Here you go doll ice creams on me," like that we had free ice cream because he paid then left without another word to anyone.

I see Daryl with a few bottles in hand as we exit Dairy Queen, his deep laugh can be heard, he was happy thrilled with his brother home again. "LOVE YOU, SWEET PEA," his voice rang clear even though a tad slurred already.

I raised my cone, "You have fun, don't drink and drive. Because seriously I am on the same road and don't want to die," not yelling but loud enough as Merle snatched his keys up, I can't hear them, but he is being reprimanded for something.

But through it all he was smiling.


	8. Than nothing at all

This story is getting a good hit count, nearly no reviews and that sucks. If you have a way for me to improve or constructive criticism you can also pm. Thank you for reading. There will be a time jump.

June 1997…

Sawyer pov…

House cleaning and a bath were all I had done before Daryl arrived for our date. I dressed in simple clothes, jeans and a black tank top paired with a red and black flannel if the air chilled while driving. It was nearly six- twenty when he pulled up he also wore a frown until he saw me standing on the front porch. "Late," we don't go on dates very often so when we do I want as much time as possible.

His tone drawled, "Sorry, sweet pea," but he gives no further explanation as to why but I can guess he was sleeping the hangover off. The cab of his truck smells god awful like alcohol and vomit mixed with a hint of piss. I just get the hell out "Get back in now,"

I snapped, "No, it smells awful you can drive my truck tonight. God, you come here in this foul smelling thing and want me to sit in it," so much disbelief raged in every ounce of tone I offered him.

He snaps back, "If you weren't so spoiled maybe you could stand to rough it," what the hell is his damage.

My eyes narrowed taking a step forward. "Watch it, boy; I am not your verbal punching bag whoever teed you off it ain't me. I am as tough as any of your trash ass skank ex's,"

He was in a mood, not the calm mood I would get fearful over this was the pissed and verbal mood, which could be dealt with. "Just give me your damn keys," relenting but keeping the attitude. The drive was silent as we left town a tad worried but letting him drive to where ever he decided to drag me. It was a biker bar in a somewhat shady part of the city to the west of Blue Ridge. At least he helps me out keeping my hand in his with my body pressed into his. I rest my hand on the rough paintwork that coats the door and push. Rough wooden splinters cut into my palm; shards of black paint crumble to the floor. The hinges squeal as though they are a warning, but their plea is silenced by a wall of noise. Laughter overpowers the jukebox. Conversations swirl in a dirty cloud of smoke, the stagnant stench of cigarettes hides within the collaboration of mephitic odors. A sharp smell of drink wafts towards me, like black plumes bellowing from the windows of a burning house. There's even a hint of sick tainting the fragrance of the room.

Oh romantic, I give him a look "I hate you right now," the way he looks at me is half worried half going to off me. But then we sit "One beer and one coke," I was not drinking out of any glass here, in no way was I happy.

He started, "Sweet pea,"

"Don't sweet pea me, Dixon. Our date night and you take me here, here. I stand out and my god, what is wrong with you," he is annoyed, but deep down he knows he done messed up. I spot Merle while he is walking up his face is not happy, mine probably looks the very same.

He snarled, "You brought her, here," but it was not as if he thought the same as me, it was more why am I here it should be just them. "Yeah, I wasn't canceling our date now get over it," I wasn't over it.

"You should have canceled if you thought bringing me here was okay," my arms crossed across my chest while I glared at him. This was not the right type of place for a date unless I was a rowdy drinker and I was neither.

My drink sits getting more watered down, with each minute I mad dog my idiot boyfriend. Daryl looks at me, "Sorry sweet pea, we can leave, just give me ten minutes," he really thought so, I was going home to have a long soak in the tub and try and forget this place and the unique scent it gave.

"Yeah, you're taking me home," was all I said we had been here thirty minutes and it had been smelly and filled with violent drunks, he kept them away, but it was just disgusting. "No, be right back," but his eyes are behind me someone must have come through the door since that was what's behind me. He seriously left me alone heading to the back where I can still see him, my eyes move with him as three men in black leather clap him on the back. Merle laugh's, but it looks fake from here, but maybe they don't know him very well, they seem to be shooting pool for a small amount of time, I try and keep my eyes forward on him.

A deep voice boomed next to me, "Dixon just left yer here," yeah, dude was drunker than a skunk, he wore a long black goatee and stash, he was a muscular man and way too old for me.

I spat, "Leave, ain't interested," level tone and a no shit taking attitude worked as he stumbled away hope he wasn't driving. I see something that stops my heart, Daryl, with a clear bag with the same blue crystals in the very bottom was that guy just a distraction or was he really flirting. Time felt still as if no time was passin it was as if he feels my stare his body becomes tense. Like in the movies it is as if he moves in slow-mo until our eyes are locked. I see his lips move forming the word "shit" making everyone near him look at the spoiled little princess he was with. At first most don't move a few have seen me before but the three new comers have never and by my own face they freaked thinking I would run and tell, and by the look of me it was a damn safe thought.

A fight broke like someone flipped the switch three massive bikers came towards me but the Dixons aren't having it and had their friends backing them since most liked me just fine. It was chaos as I tried to get out the door to my truck even if that mean locking myself in, pain flared as I was knocked with force into the dirty wooden wall. See I can fight and shoot, but when a biker that's a lovely 230 pounds pin's you against a wall its life or death.

He bared his nicotine-stained teeth, all crooked, so the scene between his dry, cracked lips resembled a derelict cemetery. He coughed, like an aged pit pony. I'm breathing, but the air just won't go in, like my lungs are surrounded by metal bands. Next comes the rising panic, the dizzy feeling and the need to get low to the ground, but his meaty hands are tight. "Should have stayed clear of them boys, a girl like you with a Dixon. Shame you going to have to die you have seen too much," his voice cracked as another cough came.

Shock as tears flowed, the guy lessened his grip his face changed to pity, he looked to try and keep the rough exterior. "Drop the girl," it was Merle, he stood behind the man and looks down right scary for once. My entire body shaking in fear this was not something I would ever get used to, but here I am thrust into the very middle of it.

"And what if I don't, Merle?" he questioned, but all I wanted was to get as far from here as possible.

Merle laughed, "Well you see, that little doll you holdin is my little brother's world, and so she will always have me backing her," and like that he punched the bigger man, right on the chin knocking him out in a single blow, the man crumpled like a rag doll with me still in his tight grasp.

I tumbled with him only to be in Merle's arms as he and the rest fled the bar before the cops could come, "Damn you, Daryl, he was goin to kill her. Her kind don't belong in this place, and you bring her to a deal, you know better," he never stopped dealing he just hid it so much better. I was horrified seeing them bellowing at the other, Merle and Daryl, both heated.

Merle handed me over to my boyfriend who bundled me into the truck, the door shutting as I sobbed but I could hear them yelling still that was until Daryl was in the cab, with a loud squeal of my tires he drove off into the dark. Driving down a desolate country road, with pot holes, a dirt track, lined with hedges, loose gravel, and a narrow open road. Like a black ribbon over the highlands but now it is cold and dark, or maybe its hot and my shaking makes me think I am shivering from cold and not fear.

He just looked over at me every few minutes as I calmed down enough to speak, and when I did it was in a fury. I spat, "You liar, you fucking bastard. You never stopped dealing, you took me on a drug deal which nearly got me killed," another fresh sob racked my small frame even saying the words, death is one thing but getting that way due to carelessness of a loved one was betrayal.

He says nothing just listens to my sobbing, I was still scared, and hurt so hurt. After nearly twenty minutes he finally spoke his voice cut me, hearing the raw pain, hurt, and sadness in his tone. "I fucked up bad this time, I thought you wouldn't see, Merle said for us to leave. But I needed the cash to leave and get us a small place. I lied I never stopped dealing never wanted to hurt you, never. I love you more than you know but my bullshit nearly got you killed tonight," he was sorry but he lied for so long, and I nearly died, the marks covering my arms are proof enough.

My house is dark except a single light in the right window of the second story; my mothers are awake. A rare moment as Daryl broke down, his arms so tight as he let out a strangled ugly cry, I held on to him for a few more minutes before placing a small kiss to his lips despite the tears covering our faces. The kiss turned heated, but this time I pulled away after seconds, every word was a knife in my chest so painful it might as well have killed me. "Daryl, I love you so damn much at times I feel like my chest will explode with the love. But tonight changed something, not the love you're my forever. I need you to stay away from me you lied about something so massive, your lie and poor judgment nearly got us all killed or arrested. I cant be with you right now you really hurt me," please tell me this is all a dream, and tell me it will be how it was before, how it was yesterday. Nothing I wouldn't do to be able just to forget tonight.

"Please no," another sob as he saw me backing up his sharp eyes taking in the black and blue covering my arms, hands, and shoulders. Then his face changed like a knife cut, "You right, you right. You best away from me," even his tone changed, back to what I knew before how he would speak to any other female. I wanted so much to kiss the hate and fear from his face but right now it was not possible in a few weeks maybe we can talk and work it out.

From the dark porch, I watched him drive off swerving as he did praying he be safe and that our paths would cross again.

July 24th, 1997

Nearly a month had passed when everything changed further, I was having his child, but my mother's alerted me he was doing a year in jail for dealing. Panic set in at being a young mother and college student, Addy promised to be at my side through it all. I had no way of tellin him other than leaving his Pa a note since that was my only real choice, I asked around and guess he really was in jail so I told Gage to let him know I still loved him and it was urgent that he find me.

Like another bomb went off as I mother's sold our land and home.

We're moving to sunny California, where I would have our baby and start college, I would return but in the meanwhile keep him updated on his child while I was away. Thinking he could come to the west coast, and maybe we could fix us. Because right now I would describe my heartache as like an insatiable fire that burnt all the oxygen in my body leaving me listless and empty.

August 14th 1997

Addy looked around my desolate room it was early morning, the driver would transport our home to California while Addy and I took her father's private jet. My mother's would be another two days to finalize paperwork with Keegan and Will. "You miss him?"

"I do, like I would miss my heartbeat," I was terrified of being a mother, but this was the hand I was dealt.

Addy sighed, "Look, Sawyer, I have this bad feeling about Will and your mothers,"

"Nothing to do about it now, your dad is staying in the Valley right?"

"Yup got me my very own two-bed apartment, whoever will move in with me?" she joked "better be you and that little a bun,"

March 31, 2000…

Time to move and move on, California was sunny with a dry heat instead of sticky. It had Disneyland and a new life, but every night when I went to bed, I thought of Daryl and most morning's I woke up thinking about him. Time moved on, but I never did, I dated but nothing ever came out of it, none ever met my daughter.

Our daughter was now three with her lush greenish-brown eyes; her hair reminded me of the rich soil of the valleys after spring rains, almost black in the shadows. When she stepped into the light it was a rich brown, almost with an undertone of red beneath the dark. Addy was my saving grace during school, she worked for her daddy, but he built a daycare for workers kids, and my own. She went home to Georgia a few times, I went once but never found Daryl he disappeared, his pa had not heard from him in three years or since he got outta jail. He met his granddaughter and that be the last time as his words echoed still, "Glad he never got to see her, he would have been a horrible father much like myself. She looks like my wife so beautiful,"

I and Enid still continue to write at least every week for the last few years; he never comes, he never writes back. So I know the letters need to stop so that in the future we can both move on.

Enid is a ball of wild energy, a mix of her Pa and I, her smile is his smile, and it kills me.

We loved for a lifetime, we don't know the future, but I do know my emotions are now more like a thin layer of ice, cooling my insides, a gentle reminder of the pain that came before and a warning not to stoke that fire again. They say once bitten, twice shy, but I think for me it's more like forever shy. I can't see myself putting my heart out there again; I don't think it can survive another inferno.

I skipped over her pregnancy as it really had no bearing at all on the story other than the baby, I chose to have Enid be there child because I LIKE HER CHARACTER! I wrote her pregnancy so if anyone had wanted it, I could post it. Please review.


	9. Outbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life moved on but my heart refused

Please review!

Sawyer's pov…November 2009…

Life is a random string of beads; a chaotic sequence of sparkling, dull, ostentatious and revolting. Each one is linked to the next by the chain, by time, but cannot predict what comes next. The mind must take what it is given and make the best of it, never losing hope that more beauty will come.

I glance up from my desk, seeing a framed picture of my family Addy was beaming with her arms around Enid and myself, her husband took this picture at her baby shower only three weeks ago. She is just now recovering from the loss of her firstborn child she was leaving work, it was a tragic accident that took his life too soon. Adaline was the strongest woman I knew, and I was by her side as she had always been by mine, she thought God needed her little boy and took him home. She was not very religious, but this was another way for her to rationalize the death, mine was horrible people live in this world and will do as they please until they're stopped.

Like clockwork my cell goes off, "No sign," I asked her not to look anymore, but it was like talking to a headstrong wall. Addy went home for her mother funeral, so she, of course, started looking for Merle and Daryl, if you find one the other will not be far.

God help me, I was still head over for the redneck, this couldn't be ordinary love. Whatever we had was once in a lifetime and we let it go my reason to leave was justified but his never returning a single letter was not. Enid was now thirteen, and in middle school, she was like a perfect mix of us she was wild and outdoorsy like her father while she was smart and fierce like me. Sassy too, she didn't belong here in California and in that, I was transferring back home, back to Georgia.

Life was never comfortable, Enid and I, well a lot of hard feelings to Karen and Julie are being held on my part. I never told my daughter what I had uncovered it would kill her, but on her deathbed, Karen told me everything my mother never did before she had passed two years before by a drunk driver. They along with Will had been trying to get me away from Daryl as they put it for my good, Daryl would never amount to anything and he would take me down with him. So, when I got pregnant, it was their chance it was Will Dixon who had his blood arrested so I could see he was a waste. In no way did I think that but I thought college was best to support a baby and in the end I was right, I was a top-ranked Vet with degrees in every area that I could manage, animals are a passion.

I texted back, "Stop, I am over him," it was not right, I was so pathetic I was a top doctor adding in Biochem and Virologist (humans) to my credit and I was hung up on a damn redneck drug dealer.

I checked the chart once again; there was no other way "Good boy" had to be put down he had cancer, in the end, it was hard when I had to send Dr. Reed into tell the mother and her ten-year-old son the news. I had to head to the CDC and ADC; I would be working for both in Atlanta, in the next few months.

Enid was thrilled with the move she hardly fit in here, and that bothered her Aunt, and I, Addy's husband would be making a move in May while we leave in the middle of January. I look at the blood work the antigens are in chaos, the blood does not clot like normal in the human sample. I document, "Terminate project," that was my job with the Government, looking at samples for what they do up there in the hill's hidden away from the real world.

I knew they are experimenting due to lab work, but as usual, I am body checked as if I would smuggle out tainted blood. "Have a nice day, Dr. Hawthorne," Miguel smiled at me he was such a sweet old man.

I answered, "Same to you, Miguel give Lita my love," un-tied my thick brown hair letting it fall like a heavy curtain down my back. My off-roading Jeep waited we loved driving in Azusa Canyon, the wind whipped my hair around my face as I made my way home.

Enid would be getting home from school soon, the house was packed with boxes of many sizes and shapes the move would transport everything in a few days so Addy could have it set up for us. I look into her room seeing it not packed, the home was sold for more than it should be worth but housing in California is beyond logical reason. Her room was like a wonderland for comic driven recluses. The walls were a deep red that pulsed in the light sprinkled with various posters, mostly of strange Japanese cartoon shows. I doubted she could read whatever was written on the poster. Her comforter was pulled over her bed, even though she hadn't cleaned it. The result was lumps of varying sizes and shapes, and the bedding was weighed down by her laptop. A desk sat in one corner, littered with wadded up pieces of paper and pens. A few shelves were pushed against the walls and filled with books. Some books sat on the floor in front of the shelves. I just get a large box staring to place her books into it, in order as she liked.

I hear her grumbling "Hate that school," was heard, well she didn't need to worry about such things anymore. I called, "Enid, mind helping your poor mother?" than her hyena laugh was heard before she entered her room.

"Sorry, mama," her room was easy as she tucked her posters into plastic cylinder containers, while I taped boxes of books. By supper time her bed was the only thing left "Pizza?" she offered.

It was late, "Yeah, you order,"

I was ready to leave tonight, after hearing my mothers tell me they planned it all to get us apart, even if Enid never got to meet her father. Addy losing her son in such a tragic way, her marriage failing. He wouldn't get a dime of her money, but she did love him still, and love was never something to give up on.

I asked Enid as we sit on the floor eating pizza, "It's break, how about we leave. Move sooner since the house is ready in Georgia, get the movers here tomorrow," her eyes held a hint of worry that I was joking.

She sighed, "Don't play,"

"I am not, I think it best we get out of the big city," and deep down I did, I was a country girl, and the Government was shady. "If you are okay with it we leave tomorrow, no thanksgiving supper just driving and hotels for a week,"

Like a wild beast, she tackled me in a hug, "A thousand times yes,"

"Get a bag ready, and I will do the same, got to get a hold of Hank to make sure they can be here," and like that, it was set as I sent a text to Addy who was thrilled, she was getting better but being away from us was hard. Enid was dragging down boxes, her bed, more boxes until all she had was a duffle bag.

I say, "Thank you hank," I had to pay a little more but that was fine, it was a slumber party as we slept on the living room floor. The ceiling fan going my eyes tried to follow the moving parts, but then darkness came.

I woke seeing it was only seven in the morning, but I just packed the blankets, taking the last walk through our home. I owned it since I turned twenty-one, a whole nine years that I have raised Enid here, her life was here, and she was ready for an adventure, and all I wanted was for her to be loved, be safe, and happy.

Before Hank and his crew arrive, I nagged my sleeping daughter who just groaned but relented getting up and packing her last thing, our two bags by the door right next to two backpacks. She wore a light gray sweater and faded jeans, a pair of old Nikes on her feet, I wore Nike's too but not too old since sneakers are not worked place attire, Jeans and a flannel since the weather will be getting colder we take our hoodies as well.

Hank was a friend of the family so I knew that when he arrived our belongings would get to Georgia safe and sound. "Come on sweet pea; we need an adventure,"

"I can't wait,"

We leave like that now leaving everything behind, we laugh and enjoy every day we had together because we both knew loss and knew nothing was guaranteed. The weather stayed under control with only rain pouring down, wind, and freezing temperatures which was a first for Enid. She loved the rain her brown hair was plastered to her face as she jumped in a few puddles, she loved Georgia. She made friends like a kitten to cream; it was easy here she could go out after dark and watch the fireflies and stars.

February 12th, 2010

Addy spoke handing me a water bottle, "He was released from jail, you want me to go and drag him here," she offered like the perfect best friend.

I snort, "No, if we are meant to be our path will cross again. For now everything is fine,"

But I was worried and finally mentioned it to her, "Addy, I can go to jail for this but some tainted blood came into the CDC today, nothing we did worked, I mean nothing. I crossed it with a stallions and mouse's blood and nothing which is good it means it isn't spreadable to animals. But it isn't curable or at least not at this point; we don't know the aggression level either. I think we need to get stocked up on food, medical supplies, water, ammo, guns. If an outbreak comes we need to have all hands on deck," I was a drama queen it would never come to that but seeing the strain in person had me on edge, and seeing my daughter who is nearly fourteen so happy. I knew it was my primary job to keep her safe, Addy; she knew a lot about the Government since her father was an Alumni to it.

She gave me a nod, "I will get on it first thing,"

June 2010.

The outbreak came, it looked to be spreading at a rate we never thought possible. It was not airborne and would not have the makeup to become so; I watched as Drake was strapped to the cold metal table three guns shots to his chest, one flat line, only to come back in a tainted fury his brown eyes now glossy as he snapped his teeth at us. "He was bitten one hour ago, by patient four, time of death was forty-five after. Reanimation clocked in at four after death," Dr. Jenner spoke again, but I was done here.

I gave him a look as I grabbed every file we had, fireproof and durable, portable storage. He sighed, "Sawyer, be safe. I can't leave after you leave the door will lock a few hours after. Get Enid to a safe place, if you go to Damasus, Virginia in the west end forest we have been setting up a facility it is as good as this one, but it doesn't have the computer system but has multiple generators. I will send a few to you; you lead the team if I manage before the doors do not open again. I will send a team of Military to aid you," he helped me bag files and blood before I walked from the CDC in Atlanta for the last time. The Military coming in waves all over the U.S., I drove faster down the highway until my house was in sight, we had little time before marshal law overtook every state, every town.

Enid and Addy's look scared as they looked at the news, "Get bags, get anything you want. We leave in twenty minutes," like that our calm, peaceful lives are over. I dash to my room, pulling on jeans, a tank top, and boots, taking a backpack from the back of my closet, it was filled already. I packed clothes and pictures into a large suitcase, leaving everything behind.

Addy and Enid are downstairs, both dressed in hiking gear with a backpack and suitcase. "We need your truck to be filled with every prevision we have, ammo, guns, food, now. All bags into my jeep," I ordered trying to get them to a safer area, Enid was sobbing but in the end, her safe was my goal, I took a Taurus Millennium G2 Pistol, it was loaded and ready to use.

I called "Enid," after settling another case of water into the bed, it was filled and so was the cab. We added more and more until nothing could fit in either one. My daughter was scared, and I was supposed to comfort her "Enid, look right now I have no words to fix this my only goal is to get us safe, you need to take this and use it when the time comes. If it is your life on the line you aim for the head okay, the head nowhere else," she shook her head, but the tears are falling.

Addy nodded as well with her rifle; my heart was beating faster as five military trucks came, men, falling out. "Dr. Hawthorne, Sargent Miller at your service. We will protect you and the remaining doctors at Damasus; we need to leave now. The outbreak is gaining strength; every town is now under Marshal law from the West coast to East coast. We have enough supplies for a year and included is supplies to start a farm as Dr. Jenner requested," he was a military man through and through.

I ordered, "I will be the only person in charge, in this new order I rank highest. What I say goes, there will be no government to return to," they complied as we drove off into the twilight.

I sighed, "Enid, the outbreak is not fully understood right now. But the information that I know for certain is it reanimates the deceased but with one function,"

She gasped, "to feed," she was right. I gave the nod, "As for why they bite and tear into the flesh, you need to be strong now. I am sorry, but I promise you with everything I am that I will keep you safe," she held my hand tight her head leaning on me as we drove in behind the armed guard.

A little whisper, "I know, I can help you too. I can, mama, I can help keep people safe, I am brave enough," I smiled. "Damn right you're, you are a Dixon, brave and headstrong they survive so if I don't make it you just survive by any means. You understand me, just survive somehow, you run across a man named Jess, Merle, or Daryl Dixon tell them who you are, and they will make sure you're safe,"

I yawned but had to drive until we could stop, but as it turned out, we couldn't stop. A soldier took over for me, a man of maybe twenty a good old boy smile as he told us he would make sure we're safe. I spoke, "We have an hour till we reach the base, I want it searched and greenlit," the radio clicked, we waited another minute.

Sargent Miller spoke, "Yes, ma'am,"

Kyle laughed, "See with a ma like yours, we will all be fine," but he was worried, we have seen these "walkers" as we called them they had a sloppy gait as they approached slowly, none moved fast that essential function is gone. Their jaws dislocated showing their torn tongues and blood-stained teeth.

I held the gun up, but as another soldier fired it drew more to us, "Keep gunfire to a low, use combat knifes. They are sensitive and responsive to loud noise,"

Enid was safe with Addy in the truck as the men took front line, "Keep one alive, chain it to the back," I sighed this was not the life I wanted. But in the end, it what was given and now to try to make it something different than the new hand.

I watched as the men filled the bunker with food and supplies that we brought, "I need Addy, to inventory this bunker to the nine, we need it updated as we grow and eat, once a week," she groaned but gave me her best smile.

"You got it," a man walked her in handing her a clipboard, "The fence needs to be reinforced as well, we will help those who need it but while keeping us safe. The gate can withhold a real beating but better safe than sorry. Where is my walker?"

"This way Dr. Hawthorne,"

I walked with Dr. Rice, Dr. Han, and Dr. Michaels we followed Sargent Miller, he was a burly man with a few scars, in the end, he was deemed trustworthy. "We found a cage and stuck three in," he was proud.

Dr. Rice spoke, "We should kill them,"

I answered, "Not until we get any information their bodies and blood have, we have to know how they tick. I hate this, but in the end, we have to be able to find something to help Jenner back at CDC. Dr. Rice get the computers up and running by nightfall I want this facility in working order," I watched as the walker snapped at us all, one need seemed to be functioning.

"One functioned stimulation, the need to feed,"

Dr. Michael's was trying to get a swab sample on the teeth, a terrifying procedure but one he was willing to do with help from Miller. "Let's get to work; Miller might I have a word?"

I let Kyle take my daughter in as we walked looking at every inch of the massive gate, "If anything happens's to me I want a solid promise you will get my daughter to a safe place, she is what matters to me. I will work day and night and run this place but in the end, if we are overrun you leave us all and take her and run," I gave him a look as he scoffed at the request.

His voice serious, "I see this is not a joke, I promise on my late wife that I will keep your daughter safe for as long as I can, in the end, if I can't."

"Find someone who can remember these names Jess Dixon, Merle Dixon, and Daryl Dixon they will protect her she is their family," our time was up as work had to be done.

"Thank you for your service; I have work to do. I want guards on each post; this is only just beginning,"

That was the truth, Enid was learning much from fighting to lab tech duties. I was on the line with Jenner his time was nearly up, "I know Edwin, it's in all of us. I am changing course and going to try and isolate a vaccine to prevent infection after being infected; a cure is futile. Send anything you can before the endgame; I wish you would have come, Edwin. I am not as intelligent as you, but my friend this is not the end not as long as we try. Candace would be so ashamed of your act, do what is right and let those people go, they have children, please,"

I heard a gruff voice, "This is another Doctor who is also deluded into thinking she can isolate it, I don't want to lose you too, you have been the daughter Cadence, and I never had. Sorry, this is Rick Grimes and his friend Shane, Grimes was in a coma when the outbreak first happened four months back. Rick, Shane this is Dr. Sawyer, a brilliant woman who will never give herself credit,"

Rick smiled, "Hello ma'am," his friend winked a trait that was not necessary.

Nodding, "Hello, I have much work to do and little time. I hope to meet you in person Mr. Grimes. Edwin stop with this and even though Cadence is no longer with us, she would be hurt by your doings. Rick leave the CDC now, take your group and get out. Thank you, Edwin, for everything when you see her again, you hug her for us," the tears coming as did his own.

Four months in and we noticed it.


	10. Daryl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl point of view

Daryl's pov…2010

I looked at the wall for the millionth time the paint chip's from the old wall's; this might be the longest stretch I have done in jail. It has been nearly fourteen years and that girl, my girl, my sweet pea was still the very first thing I thought of when I rolled myself off the cot and always the last before I closed my eyes.

I still remember that night and the fear that raced through me seeing her in danger, in danger because of my house stupidity. She had been covered in marks I may not have been the one to do it, but in the end, I was liable for her pain. The cops came, and I was gone for nearly ten months, her heartbreaking look was all I dreamed of. I was broken when I found out she had left while I was away, pa told me it was to escape me and what I nearly cost her. After that night, my life was never the same, one drug deal after another, one fight after another. Hunting to stay alive while working odd jobs, Merle was a little teed off but thought her leaving was for the best.

The low groan of my cell door opening was pulling me from my thoughts of her bright green eyes and sassy smile. "Dixon, you leaving,"

"About fuckin time," I was going home to pack my bags for good and find her, it should never have taken me this long to try and see her. I looked but never found her, never found Addy either, Mabel once said they moved together, but she didn't know where too. Like that I was a free man, I had four hundred in my pocket and could get more when needed, but first I had one stop to make.

The house looked trashed when I walked in, Pa wasn't here, and that didn't matter much as I packed what I could into my bag. I grew up here but never a good memory to be had in this shit hole, "You leavin?" it was Pa he had been drinking, but I was no child.

I scoffed, "Yeah, not like you care about us,"

Pa gave me a wary look, "Deep down, you two turned out just fine. Took a lot to get you this way, having that girl leave," he was stumbling out the door when his words registered he was a reason she left, he did something. I tore through his room until I found a box it was hidden away from everything, it was nice and neat. I fall to the floor opening it inside was a shit load of sealed letters every single one was addressed to me.

I take them with me, I walked into Merle's friends place slamming my bedroom door after tossing Jack a hundred for rent. Merle was right behind me, "What the hell is wrong with you boy?"

My anger was winning out, punching Merle, but fat lot of good it did "What has gotten into," was snarled.

I held the letters out, "You know Sawyer was trying to write me!" the anger was all I felt, but Merle didn't know, in fact, he looked sad for a minute before his face was the mask.

I sit on the floor with my back against the wall as Merle hands me a beer, "Well what the doll say," I was still putting them in order, the first was only months after our break up.

My hands shake seeing her neat writing, I was thirty-one not some horny seventeen year old anymore, but she was my one love.

-Daryl-

I am and will always be your girl, right now I am in California living with Addy while going to college. California is so vastly different than home the heat is so dry, the air more polluted. But Disneyland will be fun!

Daryl, you hurt me. I gave you all of me every inch, and you lied to me and hurt me, I love you then and I love you now. This is really hard for me to say even if it is pen and paper, I need you to come to California. We're going to be parents, I am having our child and need you.

Please come

-Sawyer-

She was having my baby; this was dated 1997, fourteen years ago. I continued to read each letter before passing them to my brother who sighed before downing his beer.

A letter filled with scribble's and colorful pictures sit in my lap, she had a little girl, I was a father and never knew.

-Daryl-

I wish things would have been very different, and you would have come so we could fix us, but this is my last letter. You have failed to come to see your daughter and me; maybe it is me you rather not see. But she deserved to know you, and you abandoned her. You could be in jail, but I never know with you.

I will always love you, goodbye-

Short and straightforward, but the lack of emotion told me she was done, "Let's go get your girl's," Merle stood looking down at me.

I slammed the bottle "This was the last letter it was dated in 2003, she might not be there," my heart was broken my blood ruined my life or what could have been.

Jack walked in, "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKIN KNOCK," bellowing but he just gave Merle a look.

"We need to get the hell outta town, come look,"

On TV the news was blaring a massive outbreak, dead reanimated, outbreak, we had to get the hell outta town as the law was locking it down. "Get a fuckin bag," like that we have to go, but I stuffed every letter into my bag as we take my truck with his motorcycle tied down in the back.

Merle groaned "We will find her, but for now we have to do what we need,"

I just drove, "She better make it out of this so we can find her,"

"Who you talkin about?"

Merle snaps, "His damn girl,"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you some girl with green eyes and flaming red hair was in town askin for you both, her name was… Well, it started with an A, said something about them being back home,"

"See a little luck; Addy wouldn't have said it if it ain't true. They came home, can't believe you a daddy,"

But like that life was one life threating after another, Merle was gone, no trace of him.

2011

I look at Rick, both bloody as Michonne tends to Carl "You're my brother, Daryl," and he was right, I just watched this man rip another man's throat out to save his son.

"I am," I answered back when I scooped up something from the floor "What's this?"

I glance overseeing him holding my picture without care I snatch it from him, "Sorry, but it's the only picture I have of her. She was my high school sweetheart, I was redneck trash, and she was the town Snow Queen, but she loved me. Our parents plotted against us and well we haven't spoken for fourteen years only as the outbreak happened did I find letters my pa hid from me," my tone vulnerable for once. "Found out I have a daughter right about Carl's age," one single picture of a three-year-old with dark hair and eyes smiling so big, her teeth showing but she looked so damn happy.

Rick touched my shoulder, "We will find them, I promise, your family is mine,"

I was not worth her; I was nothing but a good aim.


	11. Old friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Familiar faces arrive at Haven

November 10th 2011

I stood looking at the walker, Dr. Han with me, I spoke as she was documenting. Enid was taking pictures to help while Addy was out scouting. "Decomposition, they are showing signs now," this was a breakthrough but only more time and weather elements would give us more data.

I had a few animals here now; their blood had no bonding agent with the virus. Miller spoke, "What are you saying, Sawyer. Dumb it down, lass,"

He was a hardcore man but a total sucker for girls, "That depends a lot on the environmental conditions where the zombie finds himself. But the first thing that happens is the eyes go dull, and they decompose quite quickly," I pointed to the eyes. "They are showing signs the virus is having an effect and time will be the best data we have,"

Enid asked, "Why?"

"After nine months, depending on the environment, there wouldn't be eyes anymore. They're big sacs of fluid, so they're the first things to go. And within 24 hours, decomposition begins. It starts with discoloration in the lower abdomen, and within three days the entire body is showing signs of decay. The initial stages happen quite quickly. The cold will keep them intact longer, and here in the south and east the winters are longer so they could survive longer," wish Jenner was here, he would be thrilled with this. But on his last transmission he confirmed he let them go, it was Jenner and a woman who just gave up, that was his end game a peaceful death with no coming back.

January 1st, 2011…

I walked with Miller and Wentworth, "I am taking a team, it has to be me, a local hospital will have what we need. Plus the food is running low the crops will grow now with the summer heat here, our well is still in order with no signs of taint,"

Shaking his head, "Wentworth put a small team together, she will have an armed guard she is to be protected at all cost. I will be here," we had had issues with some pretty bad people trying to get in, in no way would we put the ones we took in at risk. Family's will not be at risk, and like that, a buzzer went off on my waist, "We have in coming,"

Enid was with me, "Mama, here I bagged this for you," an ear, she got me an ear, she handed it to me, "Thank you, get this to Dr. Han at once," every time she helped it gave her more and more confidence.

I stood tired and worn as a group walked in together the first test was the giving of their guns, to put their trust in us. Enid and Addy are out of breath when they reach me, I talk first, "Welcome to Haven, hand over your weapons if you do not you will keep them as you're escorted out," my voice rang clear eyes so scared and worried looked at me.

But one by one they handed them over, "Shay, please get names and occupations from them. After Niki, food and water, and a place to rest," we built more as the months passed, it had been only seven months into the outbreak at this stage.

I saw a dirty face that hit me like a ton of bricks, Gage. I yelled, "GAGE?" his dark blue eyes shot up at the voice and his name being called in such a manner. He was good friends with Daryl and Merle a slow smile came to his lips. "My god, Sawyer!" without thought I hugged him, but he hugged back just holding on to the other as he chuckled. "Why am I not surprised, Adaline is with you,"

"Trouble follows trouble," Addy hugged him too.

I ask him, "Daryl, have you seen him?"

He sighed, "Not for about two years, the man he was never the same after you vanished. His Pa was behind it all Merle found out but never wanted to hurt his brother by tellin him,"

"What was your job before the outbreak?" Shay asked he gave her a look. "Farmer," I smiled I could have told her this.

"Get him as the lead hand on the crops," my voice louder now. "You will be given a weapon and training as long as you are a productive member you will have a family to have your back,"

I had to go, "I am leaving on a supply run," I say taking an empty pack and my weapon the Taurus Millennium G2 Pistol.

"Sorry Gage, this is Enid, my daughter," he gave me a look. "Yeah Daryl is her pa," but him never coming made much more sense now.

"Hello Enid, damn Sawyer he has a daughter,"

Then another voice hit me, "Your daughter is beautiful, Sawyer," my eyes wide seeing Mabel alive, I never pegged her for being able. But she was here standing a foot in front of Addy and me, her face was a tad dirty, but she held herself well.

"Mabel, how the tar did you make it this long into the outbreak?" my words not thought out and hurtful, but she laughed it off, she changed.

Her eyes on Gage, "I wouldn't have by any means, but luck was on my side when Gage came to my rescue," he just hugged her close, oh have tables have turned and gave her a rough lesson.

"Come on Dr. Sawyer, we need the daylight," Wentworth called to me. "Sorry, I must go,"

Gage followed, "Not without me," I let him come he knew the woods; he knew more than the Military about the countryside. Walkers everywhere, but our goal was the small Quest lab and small-town hospital; I walked with Wentworth my gun out as we slunk through the hall's it looked as if the military put up a hell of a fight, blood was smeared on the tiled floors.

I whispered, "Cover my back, Gage. Locate supplies, split up,"the same routine in any town we hit, same movements, sometimes it went well, and times like these it all went to hell.

The lab was filled still so we collected all we could before hitting the hospital where the problems began. It was overrun feasting on the elderly who had been left, the ones in the I.C.U and a few left asleep would never wake again. "They left many behind, the ones who could not outrun or protect themselves got left," I whispered my knife embedded in a walkers head, seeing the clouded eyes and the detachment from the cornea, mentally documenting it all.

Gage moaned, "There are too many we need to go,"

"Leave then," moving down the hall we need supplies, and I wasn't leaving without them. I saw Wentworth his signal was green; we got what we need "Its green, we go," I motioned taking my filled bag only to be knocked down by a walker who came from a small alcove. I grabbed its arms seeing it was a child, a child of ten years with a bald head. Tears were coating my face, I never saw a child walker, but this one was left here to die a painful death. Enid, she had to make it and to make it I had to find a cure or vaccine, that was my end game not peaceful death for me.

Gage snapped her neck pulling me to my feet, 'I am sorry it was my first child, and all I saw was my daughter," the team moved as the horde of walkers was coming closer and closer, their smell becoming even more unbearable. They had deformed bodies, and limbs were sticking out at odd angles. Their bloodshot gray cloudy detached eyes darted over the place, looking for food. Reaching arms, flesh peeling, in short, they were terrifyingly grotesque. Groans and moans came from their open mouths, wanting human meat.

I took another out without sound trying my best as the rest fired, we have made to much racket, and the horde came hearing the dinner bell chiming. I was covered in grime and some blood when we reached home base, "ADDY," was called, the sun was coming up.

She was not bright eyed and bushy tailed, "Fine," she knew the reason for her early call, I hugged her before leaving to Enid who was sleeping she looked like her Pa when she did, her mouth open only slightly.

Nearly fainting at the small tap on my shoulder, I just closed her door walking with Gage and Miller. He spoke in a severe tone, "We can't risk you going on run's, tech another what you need,"

Gage cut in, "Sawyer what is going on,"

Leaning against the wall, I informed him, "I run this lab, this haven. I am the lead Doctor; I came from the Atlanta CDC before it blew. I am trying to isolate the virus, its properties, anything and everything about it to try and create a vaccine since I don't think we can locate the strain to create a cure," he looked impressed before he chuckled.

"If Daryl could see you now, he always said you do good things, he once thought of leaving you since he figured he only hold you back," my head down at his words, would he have held me back.

"Don't need to hear about him, get some sleep,"

We have stayed safe due to our remote location, yes a fair few times we have nearly been overrun by walkers. But humans are what we should be worried about since the evil shall inherit the earth.

May 18th, 2011…

"I isolated a lead point; the virus makes Rigor mortis null in void. It also reanimates the lower stem cell," Dr. Rice gave me a look.

A few looked lost, "Within three to six hours of death, all the muscles in your body release lactic acid. You go completely rigid; it's like a full-body cramp. It dissipates within a few days, so then your zombie could move around again, but immediately after death, you wouldn't be able to move at all. So the anit-gen in the virus overpowers the rigor mortis so the walkers can move freely. But they're decaying slowly; the data doesn't lie. Most have been dead for months some as long as eleven months; soon they will get easier to kill,"

I continued, "Your gut is full of microbes, and that's what starts the process of internal decomposition. Also, your cells themselves are starting to break down. So everything soft and squishy besides your bones is liquefying, starting with the internal organs. They go fast. After that, the skin sloughs off. It's called skin slippage, where the epidermis detaches from the underlying tissue and just kind of slides off. But that's after the organs are fully mushed, and all the bacteria are starting to migrate throughout the body. But the virus is slowing it but not hauling it,"

Enid cut in, "But not in the animals, even the fish you put into the tank with a walker," she was right.

"Yes sweetie, I think the vaccine will be in the chemical make-up of an animal. They are somehow immune to the virus," I tested any animal I could.

I thought, "I need ant's and their queen," their makeup is unique.

In August when the weather shifted the decay lessoned, but here I stand toe to toe with a man named Negan, a baseball bat on his shoulder. "I will not bend to your will; we will not follow your rules in any way. You might walk away from here this is not someplace you can conquer. This is a branch of the CDC we are creating a vaccine for the outbreak not tasseling with thugs," he only had a few men with him, but he was surrounded even by people he couldn't see.

A man spoke next to him, "Like a cure, you doin it?"

I flashed my badge, "Trying, but seems we have conflicting desire's. Your hired hand has just threatened a huge group of Military men who want nothing more than to wipe scum out before I finish my work," more and more trained men found us, and we flourished helping those we could while we Doctors worked around the clock.

The men looked at me, "Show us your work and we will leave,"

"Escort two through the lab they touch one thing kill them, leave Negan with me," he smiled like he caught some pray.

"You are looking for a husband?" he quipped "Married, but thank you for the offer. Than he eye's Addy who glared back. "Ain't happening,"

I stood scared to death and shaking from the inside while Enid stood next to me, a gasp was heard. "They doin it Negan, they're working on a cure," Simon spoke in awe.

Negan spoke once again, "Come on boys, let's leave the good doctors to their work. If you need a thing don't hesitate to come to the Sanctuary, we will of course aid in any way,"

"I am sure for a price your group would help,"

He smiled, "Could be food or a simple kiss from you hunnie. We have many groups under us and would be willing to help," like that they left us in peace only due to the work we were doing, now if he was correct, he was a tyrant who was holding other groups under his thumb taking all he could.

Once they left and I was confident they had no intention of return did I turn to Wentworth. "Find the leader of the ones under his thumb, bring them here,"

He left with three others.

June 2011

Wentworth walked in with many, but I held up my hand as I was speaking to Dr. Han. "After discovering the remains of an ancient Nanio- gene within the genes of a queen ant, I have been concentrating on the research of ants in general," finishing as he sighed in awe, Animals I understand more than humans.

His tone low, "The decay process is still in effect; the bodies are more pliable filled with more liquefied internal organs. From reports from our two scout teams they have also lessened in hordes," this was more good news the decay process would wipe them out not to keep up trying to find a cure.

Enid spoke, "Mother," my eyes on hers as she stood by a boy her age with long dark brown hair and eyes to match.

Who is this kid and why was he near my daughter?

Standing, "Wentworth, took long enough," but he scoffed "Yeah had to avoid detection and find the right people, now can I go see my wife,"

"No, she doesn't love you anymore, she told me she is my best friend," the look on his poor face he thought I was serious but when Enid laughed, he groaned. "Sometimes I hate you,"

"Sorry, for my lack of welcome. These day's who can you trust?" then it hit me I saw the face before.

I cocked my head, "Rick Grimes, CDC," I spoke, he gave me the same look until he smiled. "Dr. Sawyer, finally we meet. This is my girl, Michonne we are trying to run a peacefully safe-zone, Alexandria. This is Jesus he is a friend and representative for Hillside as their leader, and her husband are in her second term, last is Jerry from the Kingdom," Jerry was too jolly to be the leader.

"Where is the Kingdom leader, I am sorry, but you're too jolly to lead. Being in charge makes you more like us, tired,"

Jerry laughed answering, "He was too fearful to leave his people," he was not an actual king. "Who is the boy next to my daughter?" my fun nature went as my body was ready to give.

Rick smiled, "My son, Carl,"

"Nice to meet you, Carl, Enid show him around and have some food, please. Have Shay bring some for them after their trek here," she bounced off happy, "Come on, I can should you some cool stuff," he was game as they like teens raced out.

"She has no one her age here, so burdened for being so young. So, please sit," I offered as Shay walked in with Mabel.

"Your daughter found a man, and you can't manage," Mabel joked. "Slim picking in this world," I offered as they left food it was not some grand feast, but it was good.

Michonne spoke, "We were told you had a run in with a man named Negan,"

"I did, and he left us in peace only because the work I do here. Which Rick knows so no need to delve into it. I am close to a vaccine, or at least we think so it will have to be tested. We have a code we want Negan and only the like-minded thinkers to be taken out. They are like roaches who feed off others while taking advantage, are you now at a disadvantage,"

Addy took her seat next to me, "This is Addy, Addy, Jesus, Michonne, Rick, and Jolly Jerry," short and sweet.

Rick looked grim, his face devoid. "They killed so many of us already, took more than half of our stock along with every gun, they have the high ground,"

I held my hand out; papers dropped in my hand, the inventory sheet was long we had access to the base's that others could not enter. "Hillside, what is your current status,"

"Addy, document Alexandria first," she was fast and her hand writing perfect for reading.

Jesus was um, well damn. I get on my knees and worship him. "We are also at a standstill food is nearly gone, guns are gone they keep us under an iron fist," his voice was anguished this was harder on them, we have been lucky one year in to avoid it, that was until now.

Jerry and the Kingdom are in the same stance. I have no doubt Negan will be back for us in the end, so we had to aid and make sure we had the right allies.

I set paperwork down, "We will help, we have enough to go around right now. We would like you as allies not enemies; we have a common goal, peace for our children. I used to be fun and everything but then the outbreak now I am cold and about work, stay the night and think it over," I offered, but Michonne stood.

Her voice sweet, "We need no time to think, we welcome Haven we will stand by you as long as you stand by us,"

"That goes for Hillside,"

"Least not forget the Kingdom, Negan needs to go,"

I agreed, "I will need to visit Hilltop and the Kingdom myself to hear from your leaders. We will give supplies and guns with ammo; I offer Carl a place where he will be out of harm's way in this upcoming battle,"

Miller cut in, "That you will stay out of, you're important to us," rolling my eyes at him. "Shut it; I boss you old man now," joking in a manner he understood.

His grumbling was heard even as he walked from the room. "We should leave at nightfall to Hillside," Jesus looked at the sky through the window.

"I think leaving Carl is best; we will all go to Hillside and the Kingdom,'

My daughter was half mad she wasn't allowed on this mission but happy she had a friend here now; Carl looked very okay with staying. "Han, clean his socket and make sure he is in good health, losing an eye is dangerous and give the boy a gun,"

December 2011

The snow fell, but soon the heat would return, Carl and Enid are glued to the other, and for once she was in her element. Rick was with me, "If you can get Negan alive it be best, I am not evil, but we will be in need of bad people to test the vaccine on. It is a sad fact, the O-Virus has no bearing on animals so they will not be used," he nodded understanding me on a personal level, Michonne held their little girl Judith who would be staying as well. I yawned, "My apologies,"

"You should take a break,"

"No time, months go by in the winter were our research stalls. But as you saw they would die off, and it is maybe another nine months from going into effect. The cold weather stalls that,"

I was rather fond of Tara, they expressed wishes for my introduction to all their family but right now my place was here.

"She will be fine here with Addy,"


	12. BOY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Addy comes face to face with a man from the past.

March 2012

Tara spoke up, "His skin slipped right off, it was disgusting," I take it was, I just got back from Georgia a very long supply run we encountered walkers in all states of decay.

I alerted her, "Pretty much. And the body is going to be leaking out of all its various orifices. All that bacteria is producing gas, the same way it does when you're alive, and you've eaten a greasy takeout meal. But when you're dead, you can't release it, so the body bloats until it gets to the point where it can't hold anymore, and then all that gas and associated liquid comes out all the orifices. Dead bodies are pretty slimy," most gaged at the thought.

Addy, was in the ward, hurt but not infected so my vaccine was in the last stages. Dr. Rice passed due to being careless, so it was only the three of us doctors left. "Our walkers have now decayed and finally died, and it has been four weeks with no reanimation. But we used Dr. Rice's skin sample after reanimation, and the vaccine does affect it, and that is an excellent sign. Now how is everything with Negan?"

"We won a few, and right now they're scattered," Rick nodded he was a great leader. "You should not put all the burden on your shoulders; it makes you weak due mistakes. I learned it the hard way, Rick. I don't care what you do with whom, but like our last meeting I need a few,"

I walked away with Rick and Jesus, Tara and Michonne walked with us. I had supplies for Maggie and Glenn; a new child should always have their vaccinations. Tara said her girl was a doctor and could administer them in the correct order; the struggle was gaining momentum everywhere.

"We will be back, may we bring two others to help us with supplies,"

I smiled, "Of course,"

Jesus spoke, "I am staying for a few days," he was good company even if gay, I had no luck with men these days.

Dr. Micheals rushed in, "Contact from Paris CDC," I took off with many feet falls behind me.

My laptop wait for me, the screen displayed a man sitting looking as worn as I do. "Finally another CDC. Dr. Patterson here," he smiled, but you could see it was fake that a toll had been taken on him.

"I am Dr. Hawthorne, CDC, remote Virginia. Any news?"

"Not for many months, anything on your front?" he asked me. "Yes, we have possibly found a vaccine for those who have not been infected yet. No cure will be found due to the chemical make-up of O-Virus. Will send some information and keep contact open. Have you studied the walkers and their decay method, our walkers are dying off because of the decomp process," I was sending files over as we spoke to get him up to date with our work.

Patterson looked shocked, "Please tell me this is no joke; we have tried our what is left of us have tried and failed multiple times,"

"Already sent the file, keep the line open. We have to drop the line," we could not use too much power.

I hurt knowing we lost Miller and Shay due to Negan; this made my resolve stronger. "We have to make them pay now, Miller has been with us from the beginning, and now he is gone. Shay, a wonderful woman, also gone,"

Carl was holding Enid's hand while she held his baby sister, they knew to flee when the battle came to our door.

June 2012…

Heat very sticky heat made my skin wet, we have four stages of the vaccine ready but no one to test on. Today we are expecting Carol from the Kingdom with three others and Rick and two others, Jesus walked with me. His voice like whitewater over a flat rock. "They will have him soon and a few others," he was not very on board, but he understood the reason and importance of it.

I wore an army tank top, jeans, and my old boots, my hair much longer braided down my side. The barracks are not as filled, but we have enough, Addy stands with Wentworth while Kyle, Gage, and Mabel got the supplies ready for our friends.

Gage walked with us out the door, "Addy said we have enough for another few months, will have to hit bigger base's," he was right and not in a proper way more significant was not better it was more dangerous.

I stood talking to Addy, Gage, and Jesus with Enid and Carl close by us he was showing her the proper way to hold a knife now. I gave the nod to let our friends in "I will have to find another person soon, time is not on our side,"

Carol smiled, "We brought a gift," it was a man who was swearing up a storm "Oh thank you, you didn't have to. Wentworth show our friend to his cell; I will be there in a few minutes," I had to, hated it, but then if it worked we are saved, but with four prototypes one man was not enough.

Carol watched, she was like an odd mix of Karen and a pitbull she was loyal and protective but rabid. "I will start with him,"

"You need to come to Hillside; they could use a doctor. We have to leave now, Rick is there," Carol pleaded.

With a nod, "Addy, get my bag and your own, Wentworth you are our guard along with Carol and Jesus if they permit," and they did, like that I leave Dr. Han and Dr. Michael's in charge. The ride was not smooth as we all sit in the back of my Jeep, she needed to get back on the road.

I sit driving with Jesus next to me, "You are something else, Doc,"

Scoffing, "I was life changed me, it changed us all. I grew up in the mountains of Georgia; I was snow queen, I was rich and popular until one day I stopped caring and changed all their minds about me. Left home and took to the West coast with Addy, had a baby, got several degrees since it was easy,"

He gave me another look soft and caring, "Easy?"

"Easy to drown out my emotions and heart with studying and working, taking care of Enid. I lost the only man I ever cared for when I was eighteen and haven't felt whole since,"

Addy added, "He was a redneck, drug dealer, drunk, and asshole but he loved her and treated her like gods gift than she got hurt because of his carelessness and they split. Sad really, but he never came for her after her letters so he can fuck off and die," it was, but right now bringing up those memories were not needed.

"You ever think you would be able to find another man,"

I snorted, "Maybe, you want to put in an application," winking we all knew he was batting for the same team.

He had a nice laugh, "Maybe if I ever did go for girls they would have been like you," he was smooth. Carol smiled, "We all have bad luck with men, but if my luck can change so can yours. My husband died two months into the outbreak; he was a bastard and abusive. But now I am with Ezekiel, and he treats me like a Queen," but he thought he was a King, but it was all smoke and mirrors.

"How long you been with Rick's group?" I asked her; she was a warrior to the max. "I was with another group that had his friend Shane, Rick's first wife Lori and Carl, Lori thought he died due to a lie from Shane. But guess since the very beginning, he and I had our issues, but I am loyal to him because he is to us,"

We arrived cutting off our conversation; the massive wooden gates opened on Jesus's orders allowing me to drive my Jeep into their community. I smiled getting out "Welcome Doc," Glenn who didn't like him he was excellent and doting.

"Where is Maggie, is everything okay?"

He sighed, "Yeah, she is sick," we walked next to me as we made our way through the community to the big house, next to the side was a motorbike a Harley if I was correct. Addy jumped on it, "Can I ride it?" she was off her rocker at times.

"Sure, I will send him out, and you can ask him. He is in a foul mood though, but he always is," Glenn helped me through the door with Carol and Jesus, Carol just walked to a hall to the right.

"I will get him to let her have a ride, that boy of mine," such an exasperated tone.

I turned halfway up the stairs as the doors opened behind her, I saw Rick and a man in dirty black clothes, long dirty very dark brown hair but his back was to me. "You have a son,"

"As close as he can be to one without me birthing him," Rick gave me a nod before I turned walking up the steps with Glenn and Jesus. Maggie was in bed; her pale skin glimmered with a fine layer of sweat. I started an ultrasound with Denis as my nurse, even if she had MD in her name.

I cleaned Maggie up, "Looks to be a Kidney infection, I want to start some medications on you, each is safe for your son. Denise go into my bag get the saline bag and IV kit and start one, I will inject the meds once the IV is in place," I stood washing my hands as she helped me, Glenn was holding Maggie's hand when Rick walked in taking a seat on her other side.

"You okay darlin?" he cared for her and his people, when this world was better, I only hope it is filled with people like us.

I smiled holding a small vile up before placing the bevel into the opening, flicking it three times before setting it beside me, next was two small unit bag's of ceftriaxone and a stronger Antibiotic of gentamycin to help keep the Bacterial infection down and in the process rid it from her.

Maggie was resting as we had the drip going at a steady six, not slow but not to fast at a ten. "Denise, after these are finished wait two hours and run another set, I am leaving another. I will be back in a few days to check on her, with her nearing the end it is best we do a c-section so we can also check her kidney function since we don't have all the machines we need at this point. She might need to come to Haven since we have some," but I was sure she would be better after a few rounds of medication.

"Thank you, I could never thank you enough," Glenn hugged me his voice cracking. "We stick together, no thank you's. You keep an eye on her; I will get a room at haven for her since the c-section will be best there,"

I could hear yelling outside, "Is he that mad some girl touched his bike, he needs a girl," Maggie finally spoke, her voice a little better stronger.

"Addy is married to Wentworth, but I will be back before I leave," walking out with Jesus so Maggie could rest in peace.

Jesus held my waist as we walked down the stairs, he was a gentleman. "Rick, we can use the office for a meeting,"

"I will get Michonne," his voice gruff and tired, his face had a few marks from a recent scuffle. "I am going to get some air real fast,"

Jesus walked out with me; we walked a little into the garden area when I noticed Addy, and the guy who been with Rick must have been his motorbike. She was waving her hands in the air, "Is the man that upset she touched his bike?" I asked it would be understandable, Wentworth was half in from of her blocking the guy who looked tense, his fist clenched.

"Most likely, he is a good guy deep down, but it is not a side he ever lets any but Carol and Rick. Rick acts like a brother, and well Carol has been a mother figure to Daryl,"

I looked at the bike than the man yelling in such a southern way, I gasped. "Impossible,"

I wanted to move, but my feet didn't react, "You okay doc?" it was Rick.

"The man, who is he?"

"Daryl Dixon, been with me since I found them about two months into the outbreak. He is my right hand and brother," the genuine emotion in his tone awed me, but it was him. I doubt there was another Daryl Dixon around; I moved now my heart was racing as the two men followed me.

I took a deep breath, "Leave her alone, boy," my tone level the voice itself changed due to age.

His voice angry before he even turned to me, "Who the fuck you talkin too," but when he did turn the color drained from his face the way his eyes moved over my face and body.

I smiled, "I was talkin to you, Dixon,"

He answered, "You can talk to me forever, and it never is enough, I love you," to everyone but Addy hearing him was a shock, their faces so confused. Michonne, Carol, Jesus, Rick, Wentworth, and Glenn all watched and had been ready to break a fight up.

He was taller than the last I saw of him, his body bigger not fat but muscle and I was liking the grungy redneck with a beard, the gray in it only added to the charm he could have.

I reached out feeling the warmth of his face, the stubble, everything knowing that I was crying he leaned into the touch before just snatching me from Jesus, we held on to the other like we were still seventeen so afraid to let the other go. Addy gushed, "See this is destiny, fate, ya'll start a path together, the track separated, and now it clicked back together. You Daryl, better treat her right, no drug dealing,"

Wentworth added, "Who for the love of god woman is this thug going to sell drugs too! The walkers?" this was my life, now to finish what I had started.

"I never stopped loving you, babe. I was so hurt for so long but nothing I had done erased you from every memory,"

"Letters, I found them when I left home. Merle and I were going to find you, but then the outbreak and every single bad thing that could happen did. I have a daughter?"

Addy burst in again, "Enid, she is fourteen, and I love her to death. She has your eyes and smile, she is wild," Wentworth just kissed her.

"You do, and blabbermouth is right. You need to come with me she needs to meet her father, finally,"

Like that his lips crashed to mine, "Rick, I am going with my girl. Need anything come get me, brother, going to go meet my daughter,"

Clasped shoulders, "I told you we find her, go get your family back. Tell Carl we love him,"

"Will do," like that we are dropping the meeting and going to Haven.


End file.
